Happy :)

Soundtrack to a Break-Up

This is, according to The Mrs, the 'perfect break-up playlist'.  Break-up or not, it's a pretty cool playlist either way.



1. Judas - Lady Gaga
2. Smoke and Mirrors - Paloma Faith
3. Don't Hold Your Breath - Nicole Scherzinger
4. Single Ladies - Beyonce
5. Circle the Drain - Katy Perry
6. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morisette
7. Cry Me Out - Pixie Lott
8. Back to Black - Amy Winehouse
9. With Every Heartbeat - Robyn
10. Rehab - Rihanna
11. Big Mistake - Natalie Imbruglia
12. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
13. Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

We Stood Up

We are not frightened anymore,
we stood up, we stood up
and there are two of us there will be more,
they'll show up, yeah they'll show up
they'll show up

blame a change of mind
a seismic shift in times
they told us not to fight
but we'll fight it till we die

cos' we are not frightened anymore,
we stood up, we stood up
and there are two of us there will be more,
they'll show up, yeah they'll show up
they'll show up

and so they sunk every ship we sailed
but we stood up, we stood up
and they fought hard, but somewhere fighting failed
they're all shook up, they're all shook up
all shook up

steel and concrete break
beneath the steady waves
of fearless hope and grace
in kindness there is strength.

http://www.afinefrenzy.com/

What I Wouldn't Do

by A Fine Frenzy

If we were children I would bake you a mud pie
Warm and brown beneath the sun
Never learned to climb a tree but I would try
Just to show you what I'd done

Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, I had you
Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe

If I were old, my dearest, you would be older
But I would crawl upon your lap
Wrap a blanket ‘round our frail little shoulders
And I'd die happily like that

Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, I had you
Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, if I had you

So lace your hands ‘round the small of my back and I will kiss you like a king
I will be your bride, I'll keep you warm at night
I will sing, I will sing

It was now and we were both in the same place
Didn't know how to say the words
With my heart ticking like a bomb in a birdcage
I left before someone got hurt

Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, I had you
Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, if I had you

Fade Out

This has been playing on my internal jukebox a lot, lately. Cool video, too:



Street Spirit (Fade Out)
by Radiohead

Rows of houses, all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out

This machine will, will not communicate
These thoughts and the strain I am under
Be a world child, form a circle
Before we all go under
And fade out again and fade out again

Cracked eggs, dead birds
Scream as they fight for life
I can feel death, can see its beady eyes
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out again

Immerse your soul in love
IMMERSE YOUR SOUL IN LOVE

Indestructible

There is a souped-up dance version of this that is the actual single release, but I personally love Robyn's acoustic version of her song Indestructible, as released on the Body Talk Pt. 2 album.

"And I never was smart with love,
I let the bad ones in and the good ones go, but
I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt before,
I'm gonna love you like I'm indestructible.
Your love is ultra-magnetic and it's taking over,
This is hardcore and I'm indestructible..."

Corner

Corner
Words & Music by Allie Moss

When your world trembles and quakes
And your footing suddenly shifts and shakes

Take my hand
We’ll hide in the corner, hide in the corner
Take my hand
We’ll hide til it’s over, til it’s all over

We have choices to make
We have promises that we can’t break
There is nothing left to lose
So hold on to me, I’ll hold on to you

La la la la la…

(Lyrics courtesy of http://www.alliemoss.com/lyrics.php#corner)

Every Step

A song for the ladies I know that this could relate to...

Every Step by Charlie Winston

















I'm a fool to be kind to you;
It's not what the men in your life tend to do
Must be so strange ; finding someone
Who only accepts you
Rejection's a lesson you've had
You're lost in the anger you feel for your Dad
But, Oh, how he loves you,
There's no doubt
With all his high hopes for you.
I could push you away
I could say I don't want you no more
I could drive you right into the floor
And tell you are useless ;
Get used to it Lady
But I'm big in believing that baby,
You're bigger than that
It's respect for yourself that you lack
And success ; it's a mood that you chose
With every step

I want to grow old with you
To hold your old hand and look back on our youth
I will be strong. Times I might not
I'm only human

I could push you away
I could say I don't want you no more
I could drive you right into the floor
And tell you are useless ;
Get used to it Lady
But I'm big in believing that baby,
You're bigger than that
It's respect for yourself that you lack
And success ; it's a mood that you chose
With every step

So, be free like a bumble bee
Spread wings like a bird
Squawk like a peacock and
Let your voice be heard , it's ok
I have no lock, key or a cage
You've got to want to stay

I won't push you away
I won't say I don't want you no more
I won't drive you right into the floor
But I'll tell you you're beautiful ;
Get on with it Lady,
Cause I'm big in believing that, Baby,
You're bigger than that
It's respect for yourself that you lack
And success ; it's a mood that you chose
With every step
So take step
It's just step by step

For Times Gone By

Get Me Through December

Vocals: Alison Krauss
Lyrics: Gordie Sampson & Fred Lavery
Based on the melody 'Neil Gow's Lament For The Death of His Second Wife'

How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain
As the changing of seasons prepares me again
For the long bitter nights and the wild Winter day
My heart has grown cold my love stored away
My heart has grown cold my love stored away

I've been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow
Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go
I've taken the pain no girl should endure
But faith can move mountains of that I am sure
Faith can move mountains of that I am sure

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again

No divine purpose brings freedom from sin
And peace is a gift that must come from within
I've looked for the love that will bring me to rest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again

Courtesy of www.nataliemacmaster.com

The Wu-Tang Clan and Me

Friday night, I dreamt I was meant to be going to a Wu-Tang concert. I heard that The Ex was going, with a group of friends. A friend's boyfriend (but I can't remember who) was also going with his friends. I was going to get a ticket and go on my own but ended up not doing so for various reasons, but mainly because it was on a Friday night. Then later that day, I randomly met RZA and Raekwon on the street after the concert and I was really excited. I was somewhere I didn't recognise, but I think I was in America. I explained to them that I had wanted to go to their gig but couldn't. We had a chat and I asked RZA what his favourite Wu-Tang song was. He said "The W" (which isn't even a Wu-Tang track but one of their albums, lol). I got RZA and Raekwon to each sign one of my palms and then was doing the Wu sign with their autographs on my palms. Random!

Or Not.

OK, so my date with Mr. Def didn't happen after all. My mate Cyril was going with his mates and they had a spare ticket. Cyril knows I like Mos, so he asked if I wanted the ticket. I said yes and was really looking forward to it. A few hours later, Cyril told me he couldn't go after all, as he had to wait in for a plumber for his tenants, who wasn't going to arrive before 6.00pm. Since he didn't know how long the job would take and the doors were opening at 7.00pm, he didn't think he'd be able to get there on time. He was kinda pissed he would be missing the show and since I don't really know any of his friends, I didn't really want to go on my own. :o( He's allegedly going to make it up to me with dinner some day, but Mos Def it ain't. Lol!

Never mind. Instead, my Sunday has so far consisted of:

• Waking up after some seriously disturbing dreams but enjoying the lie-in none the less
  
• Washing up some cutlery and all the dirty cereal bowls
  
• Weetos for breakfast
• An episode of Flash Forward with Big Sis and Bro-in-Law while I ate said Weetos
• Five loads of laundry (yes, you read that right. I still have about three loads to do!)
• A nice chat on IM with The Mrs
  
• Rain all day apart from a short spell of dazzling sunshine mid-afternoon
  
• Having the lights on and curtains closed from about 2.00pm because it was so dark
• Downloading a few albums (namely Mos Def's latest, BlakRoc, DJ Honda and Lady Gaga) and listening to some music (namely La Roux, Little Boots, Mariah Carey, Mos Def and me!)
  
• Hanging up all the damp laundry
• Two episodes of Miami Ink and half an episode of LA Ink
• Four cups of tea (only small ones, honest)
• Being in jogging bottoms and a pink hoodie all day
• A bag of pretzels (I kinda get how George W. choked on one now, those blighters are dry)
• Some Kettle Chips and some mini Babybels
• A couple of little eBay purchases (a ring made of agate and some organic skin cream)
  
• Fanta Fruit Twist
  
• Watching JLS perform on T4

The rest of my Sunday is hopefully going to consist of:

• A little rest while I try to finish up and post some blogs
  
• A proper meal instead of the bad snacks I've been eating
  
• A spot of vacuuming
• Washing the bathroom and toilet
• Sorting out my wardrobe so that I can actually open it!
• CSI Sunday
• A nice long soak in a hot bath
  
• Massaging my aching limbs with body lotion in preparation for another gym date tomorrow
  
• An early night so that I can get to work early for a change

I have quite a backlog of draft posts at the moment, since I don't have time to sneak some writing into my work day while I am still getting to grips with my new responsibilities (give it a couple of weeks).

OK, I am going to get me some food and then get on with part B of that to-do list...

Got Me A Date....

Lucky ol' me has a date tonight!!!

Gonna experience some True Magic with a Travellin' Man, who is Black On Both Sides and is aware of The New Danger...


OK, so several hundred other people will be there too, but I can't wait... :o)

Soundtrack To My Night

I got home after a day of clock-watching and great difficulty being at work. Big Sis had gone out for dinner with some old friends, so I chatted with Bro-in-Law in the kitchen, while he waited for the oven to heat up and I put the dishes away. I was feeling shattered. I got myself some food and retreated upstairs to eat and watch some TV. I had promised The Mrs I would give her a call, so we had a quick chat about a difficult situation she has to deal with tomorrow. I wanted to have a nice hot bath, so I put the heating on and waited for the water to get extra hot, surfing the net with the TV on in the background. CSI had just finished and an episode of Numb3rs was just starting. I have never watched it, but left it on while I checked my emails.

Gradually, I paid less attention to the laptop and more attention to the TV, as I recognised the song playing in the background of the episode. It was a song called 'I Don't Know,' by a band called Dead Rabbit - the brainchild of a friend I have known since I was about six. I was so excited! I know he has a lot of contacts in the music business and has been doing fairly well for himself, but I don't think an album under this alias has been commercially released. Hearing it being played, for a good few minutes, on a well-known US television show is pretty big!

I grabbed my phone to send him a congratulatory text, but realised I hadn't yet transferred his number to my new phone. After scrolling through my contacts on my old phone, I saw three numbers saved under his name, but couldn't remember which one was the right one. He'd sent me a text a few months back, so I went back into my text messages to find it, so I could use the right number. As I scrolled back through the many undeleted messages I had, the past six months went flashing before my eyes and I suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad. I read through some of the old texts, some of them too painful to read all the way through, some painful because I read them all the way through and some painful because of hindsight and the way things have panned out since. Before I knew it, I was almost sobbing, tears streaming down my face, and I realised that I hadn't really cried for ages. I have been on the verge of crying several times lately, but I just feel choked and can't seem to get rid of the emotion. I often just feel numb and blank. It was weird feeling sad for a specific reason, rather than the general malaise I feel most of the time.

Eventually, I found the number I needed and made a note of it, before turning off the old phone and trying to shut off the memories with it. I sent him a text and then ran the bath, before sinking down into the bubbles and then slathering my hair in a hot oil treatment before washing it. Lots of lathering, conditioner and exfoliation later, I was squeaky clean and ready to get into my pyjamas for bed. My friend had messaged me back and we had a conversation by text back and forth, while he got me up to speed on the latest developments. He asked about me more than once and each time I tried to fob him off with "nothing new happening with me" or "just working, same old," rather than go into any detail about the fact that I am not going through the most enjoyable period of my life at the moment and that I honestly have nothing of any interest that I could update him on. He sounded loads happier than he did when I last spoke to him, when he was experiencing some rough relationship issues. The things he is doing seem to be keeping him occupied, satisfied and mentally and creatively stimulated and it was obvious from the tone of his messages that he was in a much better place. I was pleased for him and told him so. It's great seeing people's successes when you have seen them from almost the beginning of their journey and all the work, effort and perseverance they have put in to get where they are. I really admire his determination and focus, especially in an industry that can be as fickle and impenetrable as the music business can be. His good news was a welcome distraction from my own feelings of loneliness.

We chatted by text for a while, me reluctant to go to sleep even though I really needed to. He sent me some links to his latest stuff online and some videos that have been produced for a few of the tracks. He asked if I’d seen his sleeve – the tattoo(s) covering his entire left arm – and I told him I had (courtesy of Big Sis, via Facebook). We discussed the cost, both monetary and physical (i.e. pain) and how long it had taken to do. Since we grew up together in church, he asked if I was still going. I told him that I was and that I really like the church I am attending right now, and he seemed pleased that I was still ‘keeping the faith.’ I knew his own beliefs had moved away in recent years from what we had been brought up believing and that he had told me a while back that he didn’t think he believed in God. However, he said that he had been debating whether to go back to church sometime, but was wrestling with the idea. I mentioned that the church I go to streams its services live online, so he could always watch on the website if he felt the desire for a spiritual connection without feeling ready to actually physically go to the church building. He appreciated the suggestion and I felt intrigued that his opinion had changed from the strong opposing feelings he had seemed to hold a year or so ago.

Eventually I decided I should get some sleep, sometime near 2am, and we agreed that we would catch up sometime soon. He lives relatively near me and we haven’t seen each other in years. I think I bumped into him one time about three years ago, but since then we have just exchanged the odd email or text intermittently. It is weird how quickly years pass and where life can take you. People’s paths may take them in completely different directions, but the paths can still intersect again, sometimes just the once, or maybe at regular intervals. At times, I have needed to remove certain relationships from my life, but I’ve decided that in general, I’m not one to completely burn bridges. It may not always be possible, right or wise, but when it is, I’ve realised that I like to keep the door of reconciliation open, as much as possible.

Week In Review #23

You know, every week I seem to be miserable, but at the end of every week when I look back, I seem to remember lots of the good things, even if they were few and far between. I like that I have this built-in selective memory. I only remember the bad things when they occur repeatedly, like when someone lets me down lots of times, or hurts me in a big way. Otherwise, I can be pretty rubbish at keeping grudges. It’s probably just as well!

I honestly can’t really recall much of the past week, so here are the main things that spring to mind:

Crappest News of the Week
That two people in our department are being made redundant and all the temps will be leaving at the end of November. Great news for those people, just before Christmas, eh?

Best Book-End Activities of the Week
Going to two concerts, one at either end of the week, both incredible in completely different ways.

Most 'Aww'-Inducing Event of the Week
The children’s day at church. Those little kiddos rocked. Proof of how creative children can be when they are given the right balance of encouragement, discipline and ownership.

Best Gift of the Week
Big Sis’ gift of a wedding dress to V. She is gonna look soooo purdy!

Biggest Relief of the Week
Applying for a bank account and surprisingly getting a small overdraft approved that should make my life loads easier and that they may even pay me £100 for opening because I transferred all by direct debits from my existing account with another bank. Not to mention the fact that I like the new bank’s uniform (priorities, lol) and both the manager and one of the customer service assistants are both lovely, very friendly and rather good looking in a very clean-cut way (but way too young for me, lol, slightly depressing when your bank manager is way younger than you). I will actually have money to eat for a change (mostly) and might even be able to get new glasses now, instead of squinting at the TV in the evenings after I’ve taken my contacts out. Gangsta!

Toughest News of the Week
That my uncle, who has been in hospital for quite some time and has a leaking blood vessel that they can’t seem to track down, was crying in frustration this week at the fact that the doctors can’t seem to identify the root of the problem. He has been suffering from complications from a previous operation for ages and they can’t seem to treat the cause. It’s so hard being 200 miles away and unable to just pop by and visit him to cheer him up.

Scariest Day of the Week
31st October. No, not because it was Halloween, or even that it was Bro-in-Law’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Mainly just because it heralded the end of October, meaning there are only 2 months of this year left. What the hell? 2009, where have you gone? We’re a decade into the 2000’s next year…

Best Reading Material of the Week
New blog-post poems from The Mrs! She doesn’t write as much as she used to now, so I love reading them when she does!

Most Laughter-Inducing Event of the Week
Meeting up with The Sisterhood and friends (who from now on in this capacity will probably referred to as the GNOMEs) in a crowded underground bar, being silly as usual and making future plans for many more fun evenings to come.

The weeks are blurring into each other at the moment. It took quite some effort to even remember the little snippets of the past week, let alone anything that went before that. I know I was feeling low this past week, but now it’s gone, all I can remember are the fun parts. I’m not complaining about that.

An Evening With Maxwell

By the time we left our friend's house, it was nearing 5.00pm and our plan to get home early and have plenty of time to get ready was seeming more and more unlikely. We dropped two of our friends off along the way and then fought against terrible traffic to get home. Miss BG had texted me earlier that day to say that the club that was hosting her friend’s birthday party had no entry after midnight, so it was unlikely we’d make it. I had sort of been looking forward to a boogie, but I was feeling quite tired and didn’t really have much spare cash, so it was probably just as well. Although I wouldn’t need as much time to get dolled up, I was still worrying that I wouldn’t have enough time to get ready and would keep Miss BG and D-Man waiting, I sent her a text saying I might need an extra 10 minutes or so. Praying she was running on Caribbean time as usual (lol), I was relieved when she texted back “I’m running late anyway! See you at half past!” Result! Big Sis then got a text from Bro-in-Law saying that they were leaving at 6.30pm too, so we were both a little less anxious and managed to get home by 6.00pm and get ready in time.

Miss BG and D-Man picked me up at 6.30pm as promised, in D-Man’s car and we made our way to the venue. The journey took a little while, but we chatted as he drove and passed lots of trick-or-treaters out and about, driving past a particularly impressive house that had its front hedges covered with fake cobwebs and yellow ‘Danger – Keep Out’ tape, with mist hanging in the air around the front garden and a skeleton hanging in the air over the front gate. It was an affluent area, the credit crunch must not be affecting you too badly if you have spare cash to go all-out on your decorations like that, lol.

We finally arrived at about 7.45pm and got a parking space a few minutes’ walk away from the Apollo. The doors had opened at 7.00pm but Miss BG hadn’t heard anything about a support act playing, so we didn’t want to get there too early unnecessarily. We went in, got drinks at the bar upstairs and then found our seats – the far left side of the circle, second row from the front. Heavy. The venue is really good and the view would probably still have been fairly decent even if we were near the back, but it was really nice having such a clear view.

“Oh no,” said D-Man, laughing, “How are you going to get to the stage to try and touch him??!”
“I might need you to launch me off the balcony,” I answered, laughing.

There was a DJ on stage, playing some tunes that took me back to school and sixth-form days in the 90s, and Miss BG and I danced in our chairs and watched the man in front of us nodding his head enthusiastically. It was a really mixed crowd. I don’t know exactly what I expected, but it was definitely an older crowd which was cool, an equal mix of men and women and people of all sorts of ethnic backgrounds. We chit-chatted for a while, then as 9.00pm approached, the lights dimmed and the band appeared on stage to start playing. We were whooping in delight and then the man himself appeared and the crowd went crazy. The concert was sold out and I later learned it had been 11 years since he last performed in London. No wonder I hadn’t been to see him live sooner, I think I only really got into his music in a big way in 2000 or 2001.

He finally appeared on stage in a three-piece suit and sunglasses, without the afro that he has rocked for so many years, but actually looking very sharp for it. There was a full jazz band with backing vocalists that did Maxwell’s songs justice the way no backing track could really do. Me and Miss BG were clapping and dancing along the whole way through, as he started the show with a medley of some of his well-known classics (Sumthin’ Sumthin’, Fortunate, Get To Know Ya, etc.). His voice sounded even better than it does on his records, but I was most surprised by just how limber he is! Dude was breaking out some classic James Brown moves and doing so very well.

The show was amazing. No gimmicks, no frills, no unnecessary dancers or video clips or over-the-top light shows. Just a fantastic set of musicians and an amazing solo performer. It was the best show of this kind that I have ever been to. He played several tracks from his latest album, but also did some crowd favourites, like his stunning cover of Kate Bush’s This Woman’s Work. Things got a little bit hot and steamy when he did Till The Cops Come Knockin’, which a lady in the middle of the stalls stood up and danced enthusiastically to, which Maxwell noticed and showed his appreciation for by reassuring her, “I see you baby, I see you!”

Throughout the whole show, he expressed his appreciation for the support of his fans, for not forgetting about him and apologising for taking so long to release a new LP. Any impatience was forgotten and the delay completely forgiven after this performance. The entire crowd was on their feet for the final song – Ascension (Don’t Ever Wonder) – and Maxwell had his whole band come down to take a bow and introduce themselves and name their home towns (St. Louis, LA, Memphis, Cleveland, Miami, New York City), before Maxwell declared that, “Brooklyn will love London for ever and ever.” The show ended with us wanting more; it had been 90 minutes packed full of great music, entertainment and not a single dull moment. The only thing I could fault was the fact that I could have been there for at least another hour without getting bored. The only things Miss BG and I missed was him singing Whenever Wherever Whatever and Luxury/Cococure, but they were only small omissions in an otherwise fantastic show. Despite Maxwell apologising to the men in the audience, because he claimed most of them probably didn’t want to be there, even D-Man admitted it was a brilliant show, saying that he is a classy performer, very smooth, professional and gimmick-free. We listened to his album on the journey home and I was buzzing the whole way and even after I got home, got changed and got in bed. I thanked them both for a great night and for booking the tickets (which I would have missed out on, had Miss BG not booked mine for me due to my lack of cash) and could have skipped up the driveway to my house. It wasn’t even midnight yet and Big Sis and Bro-in-Law weren’t back from their dinner for Bro-in-Law’s parents’ golden anniversary.

I got myself some cereal, got into bed, looked over the photos I had taken and then watched the repeat of the night’s X-Factor, while still feeling the warm glow of having enjoyed a fantastic evening. Ahh, Maxwell, you rocked. You better come back to London, just don’t leave it so long next time!

Clockwise, from top left: Starting the show in full suit and shades; the light show; a blue light special; a silhouette on the right wall; doing a solo under a solo spotlight; the whole crowd on their feet for the last song: Ascension (Don't Ever Wonder).

Children's Day

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling groggy, with a slight headache and feeling dehydrated. The reason for this became clear when my Mum informed me that I had left the heating on overnight by mistake. “No wonder!” said Dad, not doing a great job of hiding his annoyance, “I was really hot last night! Never did I imagine that someone had left the heating on!” OK, OK, ol’ sieve-brain here forgot. My Mum had asked if she should turn the heating off and I thought she had, but because I didn’t give a definitive answer, she had left it on, thinking I would switch it off on my way up. I also realised that my hair had been rather damp when I went to sleep and still was slightly damp when I woke up, meaning my curls were even more mental than usual, but in a good way. Yes, I am that lazy that I let a combination of moisture, air and my sleeping pattern style my hair while I sleep. I also realised that I had gone to sleep without taking my medication, which wasn’t such a good thing.

I rushed to get ready, then realised that although Big Sis had arrived, she was still having a chit-chat with Mum downstairs and wasn’t ready yet. I took my medication and some headache tablets to sort out the migraine that was steadily forming from my night of dehydration, then had some breakfast. It was Children’s Day at church and it was awesome. There are a lot of children at our church, ranging from babies and toddlers to early teens. It was lovely to see them in charge of the entire service. They sang songs like This Little Light Of Mine to start the service, accompanied by various instruments like hand drums and tambourines (which one or two of them played a little too enthusiastically). One boy shared a poem called What If? I can’t remember all of it, but the most pertinent lines to me were: “What if God stopped loving us because we refused to love other people?”, “What if God answered our prayers the way we answered His call to service?” and “What if God took away the Bible tomorrow, because we don’t read it today?” Hmm. Food for thought.

There were a couple of ‘Adult’s Stories,’ in place of the Children’s Story they usually have in place in a normal service. The children asked if we were ‘sitting comfortably’ and kept us amused. There were three little sermonettes of about 10 minutes each, instead of the usual long one. None of the three children who spoke could be any older than 13. They spoke so well and had each done their own PowerPoint presentations to accompany their talks. They were amusing, mature, sincere and above all, each had something very important to say and to teach us. It was such an enjoyable service and me and Big Sis got a little overcome with pride for these beautiful young ones who are the church of tomorrow. I was even more amazed when I was told that they organised the service themselves and decided what they wanted to do. They finished the service with a rendition of Jesus Loves Me in various different languages, following the international nature of the congregation. There was French, Spanish, Indian (I’m not sure which dialect), several African languages (from South Africa, Zambia and maybe Zimbabwe), Tagalog and of course English. There was also a duet of the song on some sort of toy horn instrument and then a rendition with bells. They rocked.

We chatted to some friends and then drove home to drop Dad off, taking 15 minutes to get our stuff ready and have a quick cup of tea. Mum, Big Sis and I then headed off to our friend’s house for another meeting with our small group (which I keep forgetting is called Maranatha) – lunch (or course), followed by a Bible study. We were cutting it a little bit fine, as Big Sis and I both had to leave our house at 6.00pm for our respective evenings out, so really wanted to be home by about 5.00pm so we could get ready. The lunch was yummy, although not so great for Big Sis, since there was a lack of vegetarian options. I couldn’t resist having some of the Filipino beef stew, which I rarely get to eat, and then had some yummy Filipino desserts made of sticky rice and cassava.

We took some time to pray in groups of three, remembering our extended group members and friends who are currently unwell, the people in the Far East who are still recovering from the recent typhoons and floods and everyone in our group, including the couple who are due to get married next month (here and then in April in the Philippines). We then had our Bible study, talking about chapter 11 of the book of Numbers, which describes the Israelites’ journey, led my Moses, in the wilderness to the promised land of Canaan. The journey should have taken 11 days but ended up taking 40 years. We discussed the issue of faith and trust and how when we stop trusting God and try to work things out our own way, when He has already promised to so that for us, we end up making problems for ourselves and taking so much longer to get to where God wants us to be (physically [in health and location], spiritually, emotionally, etc.), missing out on all sorts of blessings on the way. It was a really good discussion and very interesting, raising lots of points that are relevant to our lives in the here and now and lots of suggestions for how to apply these things to our daily lives in a practical way. The discussion ended with a prayer and a song and then we said our goodbyes, talking to our friend V who is getting married and who Big Sis had given a spare wedding dress to (she had bought it on sale then decided it wasn’t for her). She had tried it on and apparently it had fit perfectly and really suits her. We had a feeling it would, especially since she is quite a bit taller than us, so wouldn’t need to chop off so much from the hem as Big Sis would have had to. We exchanged hugs and well wishes, feeling glad that we had joined them. Although we were running late, I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

Sunday: Good Friends, Good Food, Good Music

This morning, I woke and knew it was early, because my alarm hadn’t even gone off yet (it was set for 8.45am). I lay there for a while and felt wide awake. I had things on my mind, so I decided to pray about them and then remembered that I also needed to pray for the many people I know at the moment that are experiencing tough times: like my uncle who has been suffering from on-going health problems that the hospital can’t seem to get to the root of; the mother-in-law of one of our small-group friends, who has just been diagnosed with liver cancer, so our friend has flown out to Pakistan with her husband and their daughter so that they can be with her; the various people looking for permanent work or experiencing financial difficulties, and so on.

After praying, it was still only just after 7am and I felt too awake to go back to sleep. I got up and cleaned my teeth, then went to get some cereal and tea for breakfast (cereal with a cup of tea on the side, not cereal with tea), returning to bed to try and write a blog post and see if my cousin was online to have a chat to, as I had promised to do (he is 8 hours ahead). He was online but didn’t reply, so I decided to catch the infamous recent episode of Question Time on BBC iPlayer (more on that in a separate post). I probably should have had a shower and got dressed early so I didn’t have to rush later on, but I was too comfy in my pyjamas and it wasn’t even 9am yet. Feeling a little bit restless, but possessing neither the desire to go back to sleep, or the energy to any anything particularly productive (like put some laundry on, or tidy some of my room), I randomly decided to clear out my email inbox. This might sound like a minor task, but this is the email address I use for virtually everything other than my blog and I am on a vast number of mailing lists. I had been putting this very task off for months, because my latest count of unread items was approximately 1500 (disgraceful, I know), most of them being mail outs from companies I buy from, or eBay reminders, or job and holiday alerts that I signed up to when I was looking for work and looking for cheap flights to NYC respectively and haven’t yet unsubscribed from. I’ve just been particularly lazy lately with actually opening the ones I want to look at and deleting the ones I have no interest in.

Perhaps an hour later, I had downsized my inbox to 6 pages (which is a reduction by 90+%) and only had one unread item, which I actually had read, but wanted to mark out so that I remembered to reply relatively soon. Feeling rather pleased with myself, although there was nothing to show for this productivity other than the inbox that only I see, I thought I should probably have a nice soak in the bath. That is, until I heard Bro-in-Law get up and beat me to it. While waiting for him to finish, my cousin eventually showed up after having an afternoon nap (his time). We chatted for a while, but by now it was nearly 10.30am and I was probably going to have to get the 11.30am train to make my lunch date on time. However, while chatting to my cuz, Big Sis made it into the bathroom ahead of me. I chatted to my cuz until she had finished, by which time it was virtually 11.00am and there was virtually no hot water left. Great. I tried not to snap at Big Sis when she told me this, knowing that for one thing, I had been awake for four hours already and could have had a bath ages ago and also that I am feeling rather hormonal and snappy. I had a lukewarm shower, which probably helped me to keep it brief, got dressed in a rush and legged it to the train station without having time to even stick some concealer on my blemishes.

Feeling in an increasingly irritable mood, I sat scowling on the train, listening to music and changing half-way to get the tube the fifteen stops to my final destination. I put mascara on while on the tube, which I prefer to avoid doing, but felt a little bit naked without. For a change, I arrived about twenty minutes earlier than our agreed 12.30, so popped into a couple of shops, resisting the urge to buy things I can’t afford in a bid to cheer up my foul mood. I was feeling unsociable, hormonal and low, which physically had me feeling extremely lethargic and seemingly unable to summon enough energy to walk down the street at a decent pace, never mind hold a conversation over a long lunch. At about 12.25, I meandered down to the restaurant and bagged an armchair by the window, texting my friends as such and knowing they would probably wonder if I had forgotten about the clocks changing and got here early by mistake.

S arrived not long after me, expressing jokingly that she was impressed with my timekeeping. We moved tables after realising that the one we were at was more suited in size to coffee, than plates of food. We had a chat while waiting for N. She updated me on what was happening and I felt concerned as she explained some relationship difficulties and suchlike. I responded, asking questions and expressing my perspective, but although I was engaging mentally and emotionally in the moment, I felt almost inanimate physically.

“Are you OK, Em?” S asked, seeming concerned.

“Yeah, I’m OK,” I answered, unable to summon up the acting skills which aren’t that great even on a good day.

“You don’t seem OK.”

I explained that I had been going through a low patch because of a few things that had happened and was finding it draining, both emotionally and physically, which made it quite difficult to function normally and put up my usual front that I am required to show at work. She was understanding and sympathetic.

“It is hard keeping up that professional façade, when you don’t feel like that inside. But when you’re with friends who know and accept you as you are, you can just be yourself. You don’t have to do that with us.”

It was actually nice to have someone ask, who cared about the answer and who knew how to deal with it. I felt relieved and more relaxed. My friends know about my depression, so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable telling them, but I don’t like the feeling that I almost have to make the announcement that “I’m feeling low today.” I don’t want to be made a fuss over, but I do sometimes feel it is necessary to explain what could be perceived by others as lack of interest or aloofness. What makes it harder is when I am around people I am not close enough with to be able to explain this to, which means that I instead just try to avoid those people so that I don’t have to drain myself of the small amount of energy I do have pretending to be ‘normal.’

We chit-chatted a while longer over drinks until N arrived, then ordered our meals, all agreeing we would choose desserts over starters. Three hours, three chicken dishes, three desserts (mocha cheesecake, lemon tart and tiramisu) and three pots of tea later, we had laughed till our bellies hurt and discussed everything including work, career plans, relationships, colleagues, birthdays, holidays, marriage, feeling stifled, independence and (specifically relating to me) the outcome of the saga with NY Guy. Part of me had been reluctant to see the girls, because when I had my last Sunday lunch with them, NY Guy and I were still together and they knew he was planning to come over. I had been dreading relaying the whole back story to them, mainly because it drains me to even think about it, but I knew that they would ask about it. They were suitably supportive of me and insulting of him, both being completely baffled by his behaviour and coming to the conclusion that there is obviously something wrong with him (lol).

I explained to N that I had mentioned to S about feeling low, but that they had really cheered me up and it had been lovely to see them as usual. It was nearing 4.00pm and I realised I would need to hot-foot it out of there, if I wanted to get home in time to drop off some stuff and have a quick costume change, before Mum arrived to pick us up for the concert at 6.00pm. We paid the bill, wandered down towards the station and said our goodbyes with big hugs and the suggestion to meet up again at the end of next month. It had been a really lovely afternoon. I got on the bus and checked the time, realising that it was actually going to be a bit tight to make it home.

Five minutes from the train station, I got a text from Big Sis.
Mum's here already. Are we meeting you up there?
Checking the time, it was only 5.00pm.
I thought we were leaving at 6?! I asked. I'm a bit later than expected.
Yeah I know, Mum’s getting stressed!

Feeling the hormones surge again, I knew I was definitely not in the mood to be around Mum when she is like that. I had missed a train by a couple of minutes and there wasn’t one for another half an hour. I texted back, feeling irritated that I hadn’t left enough time and irritated that Mum seemingly couldn’t wait 10 extra minutes for me. The concert didn’t start until 7.30pm!

Fine. I’ll meet you up here.

I now had to wander the streets like a nomad, not really wanting to get to the venue too early and also knowing that I should probably get a bite to eat before the show, which would be easier and less expensive where I was. I caved into my hormonal cravings and bought some KFC, but wasn’t feeling especially hungry just yet, as I was still full from my ample lunch. I sat at a table and ate my chips, deciding to give The Mrs a call for a quick chat, but she wasn’t around. I went to the loos to powder my nose (and my forehead and my chin and my cheeks and pretty much my whole face, lol) and doll up a little for our evening. It was still only about 5.45 and I had ages to kill. I decided I might as well make my way the three tube stops to the venue so I could pick up the tickets and sit by the river, which was way nicer than being in the train station. When I got there, I had to cross over the footbridge to the South Bank, which I did at a nice leisurely pace (which still only took me five minutes). The Royal Festival Hall was directly opposite, so once I walked down the steps from the footbridge and entered the foyer, I had picked up the tickets from an automated machine within approximately five minutes of being there. Hmm, that didn’t kill quite as much time as I’d hoped. I was hot (wearing a sweater dress, which was the reason I wanted to go home and change), so went to sit facing the Thames so that I could get cold in time for the concert.

It was lovely looking out on the river after dark, with all the nearby landmarks lit up prettily, a slight breeze ruffling through the leaves on the trees overhead and the gentle lapping of the river next to me. I stood for a while, leaning against the railings, looking over into the water and wondering how cold the river must be. It was a nice evening, not too cold but fairly clear and it was bustling with people around there as always. I had my music on and my iPod threw on Eva Cassidy’s live version of Louis Armstrong’s What A Wonderful World, which seemed to complement the surroundings perfectly. I looked across the river and felt pangs of sadness, confusion, frustration and anger, knowing that NY Guy’s hotel was virtually directly opposite where I was standing, albeit with a couple of buildings in between. I couldn’t believe that there was a river of only a few hundred metres’ width between us, that was crossable via footbridge, when previously there was an ocean of three thousand miles keeping us apart and it didn’t seem to make the slightest bit of difference.

I sat at the river for a while, listening to my tunes and people-watching. I had a moment of fear (and probably paranoia) when a man in a hoodie jogged past me who looked rather like NY Guy, but was jogging too fast for me to be sure. I laughed at the irony of him potentially bumping into me unexpectedly, when he has seemingly tried so hard to avoid me, despite all his verbal attempts at the opposite. Just before 7.00pm, Big Sis called me and I went to the entrance to meet them. Mum was in a bit of a fluster, which my mood was feeling intolerant to, but I tried to be nice and not take out my issues on her. At 7.00pm the doors to the auditorium had opened, so we made our way to our seats, unexpectedly seeing a few people we knew on the way in. The seats actually had a fairly decent view and we got settled in, looking forward to the evening of music ahead.

The concert was amazing. The whole crowd was singing along and the atmosphere was really worshipful and joyous. My bad mood ebbed away and was completely gone after a few songs. The music was fantastic and the sound was still pretty good from where we were, even though the majority of the speakers were of course facing towards the audience, rather than towards the choir seats that we were sat in. I became emotional on more than one occasion, feeling overwhelmed by the beauty of the words we were singing and the sincerity with which everyone was singing them. Mum took loads of pics and really enjoyed herself. When Ernie Haase and Signature Sound came on for their set (to rapturous applause), they waved at the crowd and didn't forget us in the choir seats. I teased Mum to "wave to her boyfriend" because there is one member she thinks is rather handsome. She smiled and then waved enthusiastically, before saying to me completely deadpan, "He ignored me." I got the giggles and it took me a while to calm down. Big Sis recorded lots of video clips on her phone, including lots of our favourite songs, like Mary, Did You Know? sung by the man who had written its lyrics, Mark Lowry himself.

The concert had a short interval, but lasted 3 hours and 30 minutes! I couldn't believe the time when we left, it didn't seem like that long at all. None of us were getting even a tad restless, because we were enjoying it so much. During the interval, a couple who were sat next to Mum started talking to her. Later on, she told us that they were a Jewish couple from Israel, who had randomly seen this Christian concert advertised and had decided to just come along to see what it was about. They kept telling my Mum how impressed they were with the music, the fact that everyone was singing along and the fact that everyone seemed to be familiar with the songs and hymns despite the diversity of Christian denominations and groups represented. They had really enjoyed themselves and were asking Mum about her beliefs, being pleasantly surprised to find that we worship on the same Sabbath that they do.

It was a fantastic evening. We left feeling really refreshed and uplifted, even though it was quite late and it had been a long day (for muggins here, who got up at an unnatural hour). I was really happy that it had been so enjoyable, particularly that Mum had enjoyed herself and that I had been able to play a part in that. All in all, it was a lovely weekend. I was absolutely exhausted when I got home, but I wouldn't have it for any other reason.

For a more detailed description of the concert, see a GaitherCommunity.com member's account here.

The Homeland

Friday evening I got to the rents’ and was joined by Big Sis, because we were due to sing in church the next day and needed to have a practice (it’s been a while, we’re a little rusty). Mum and Big Sis were laughing at Dad and our amusing observation about him being territorial in the kitchen, which Mum tells us is his domain throughout the week. Cooking for Sabbath lunch when we are there, is the only time she gets (mostly) free reign of it. Apparently, before I had arrived, Big Sis had gone into the kitchen to offer her assistance. While standing at the doorway, before she could even offer any help, Dad had asked gruffly, “What do you want?” She had relayed this to Mum, who was glad that it wasn’t just her who is denied access. However, I went in a little bit later and asked Dad if there was anything I could do. He passed me items to take out to the dining table and asked me to get the plates and cutlery. “How come you’re allowed in there?!” Big Sis asked incredulously, with Mum listening on. “Er…because I go in there to just do what I’m told, whereas you two go in to interfere!” We all laughed and eventually tucked into a yummy dinner that Dad had made, with lots of comforting winter dishes.

After a short practice (partly because my throat started to hurt and constrict through the lack of regular vocal exercise), we all got a relatively early night, during which I had my usual bizarre dreams and woke feeling cold, despite me wearing long pyjamas, being covered with a duvet and bedspread and not having the window open. I found it hard to wake and had to take a sprint shower (well, by my standards at least), rushing downstairs to get some breakfast and realising that for all my rushing, Mum was still doing her hair and wasn’t even dressed.

We managed to get to church in good time for the service, which was internationally themed as it was International Day there. There were 39 nations represented (which is actually tame compared to the church’s usual standards - I think it was about 50 last time), some evidenced by the national costumes and traditional dresses that people had come dressed in. There was music of different styles and prayers in different languages and dialects. They had listed us in the programme as representing Mum’s country, but Mum explained that in our household there are technically three nations represented, the third being the African nation in which I was born. A group from the same country had given a musical rendition of a familiar hymn in their national language earlier on and when Mum mentioned this, they waved at me in excitement, at this unexpected fellow country-person (of sorts). When we sang, I wasn’t as nervous as I usually am for a change, but my voice was still a little shaky. The song was based on verses in John 10 and was called I Am The Shepherd.

The message was given by the head elder, who has a very sincere, calming, emotive and thought-inspiring way of speaking. Her message was one of inclusivity, the message being that God’s people are scattered far and wide, throughout every nation on earth and that there are no walls of division that should separate us, of race, gender, educational/social/financial background, status or class. After the service, I caught up with a friend who recently celebrated his 50th birthday by travelling to Ireland alone for a week, to spend some time having a break from work and a spiritual retreat. One of my little adopted children, Big C, came up to show me her national costume, before running off to find her parents. When we left the church, my fellow country-people were outside the front entrance, talking in a group! "It's the African girl!" they shouted over at me and beckoned me to come to them. One of the older ladies (I'm guessing she was in her 60s, but she could have even been older; it was hard to tell from her almost complete lack of wrinkles!) seemed terribly proud and excited that I had a connection to them and they gave me hugs, asked where I was born and then asked for a group photo along with Mum and Big Sis. They were so friendly, very sweet and kept telling me to go back for a visit, because with my place of birth on my passport, they would let me straight in, lol. One of the ladies that we know actually did her nursing training in the very hospital I was born in. Mum surprised them by greeting them in their own language and so on and they were very impressed. Their singing had made Mum feel a little homesick to the point that she told us she welled up with emotion.

When we got home, we had lunch, but I was finding it increasingly difficult to stay upright, feeling really worn out and in need of a lie-down. My planned hour-long nap ended up lasting four hours (I know, the shame), but I woke up feeling much better, although slightly dehydrated. Luckily Big Sis had also had a nap, so we were regenerated enough to then have another singing practice for an hour or more, pleasantly surprised by how much of the Christmas songs we learnt last year we can still remember. I am still finding it slightly disconcerting that we are planning for Christmas already, but at least it’s almost November now, so it seems slightly less premature than in early September, lol.

Dad made us tea and toast while we sang and we ate gratefully once we had finished, had a prayer to close the Sabbath and then watched some of The X Factor and then Harry Hill’s TV Burp that Dad had recorded for us. The Gaither Homecoming Tour was playing a date at the Royal Festival Hall on Sunday night that we had known about for ages, but hadn’t had the spare cash to book tickets for. We had heard it had sold out, but then Mum had seen that they had made the choir seats (those above and behind the stage) available, which were luckily the cheapest seats and didn’t seem to be too bad view-wise. I offered to book for us, knowing that we had all really wanted to go (sans Dad, who likes them but in small doses only) and managed to get three seats located fairly centrally in the third row. I knew Mum would be particularly happy about it because she has been having a stressful time lately and had been really disappointed when we thought we couldn’t go.

I had planned to have a chat with The Mrs that night but got home later than expected, not sure if she would still be awake. Luckily she was and we had a catch-up, during which I was pleased to hear that things are still good with her Boy and that she is (don’t tell anyone) totally in lurve.

“I’m sorry I’m happy,” she said apologetically, “I really didn’t plan for this to happen. I wanted to be your eternally cynical sounding board.”

“I know, I know,” I said, laughing and knowing that I’m probably cynical enough for the both of us at the moment anyway. It’s about time The Mrs had a relationship that made her happy. I am chuffed to bits for her.

“He’s just so gorgeous, Em. Don’t you think he’s gorgeous?”

“Er….yeah,” I answered, not sure exactly how effusive my agreement of this statement should be, thinking there is a fine line between supportive and inappropriate. “He is gorgeous. He’s very your type. He’s an indie boy!”

She still thinks he’s too gorgeous for her. I, on the other hand, think they are very well matched and she’s pretty darn gorgeous herself, but the fact she doesn’t see this has always been the problem.

Before we said goodnight, The Mrs reminded me to turn my clocks back.
“That’s next weekend,” I said confidently.
“No, it’s tonight,” she said, equally as confidently.
“It’s not, is it? Are you winding me up?”
“No, seriously,” she reassured, “trust me babe, it’s tonight.”
“Oh pants, I’ve been telling everyone it’s the 31st. I better ring my Mum.”

We said goodnight and I called Mum, hoping she was still awake as it neared midnight. “I’m turning the clocks back,” she said, before I even had a chance to tell her myself. “Oh, thanks for telling me it was tonight!” I thought, but thinking it probably wouldn’t have been a bad thing if I hadn’t known, because at least I would have been ready early for my Sunday lunch with the girls. After my four-hour afternoon nap, I wasn’t quite ready for sleep at midnight, so I watched some telly for a bit before going to sleep some time after 1am. I had weird dreams yet again, but can’t remember much of them now. That is probably a good thing. Another lovely, restful and refreshing Sabbath had passed, which meant a new week had begun.

The Journey Home

I left work late last night (yes, it’s becoming a theme. It’s easy to work late when you don’t really have a life). Big Sis sent a text asking if I would be home soon, because dinner was up. She rocks. I told her to start ahead, seeing as I was only just leaving. I peered outside on my way out and it was already dark, not to mention the fierce drizzle that was coming down. Not wanting to be waiting for ages out in the rain for a bus and knowing that the tunnel to the tube station meant I wouldn’t have to fight the elements as much, I decided to get the tube. For some reason I was feeling energetic and walked briskly down the underpass to the station. When I got there, I was greeted with the unhappy news that the line I needed was suspended in both directions. What. In my irritation I stopped and gaped as I tried to work out an alternate route home (seeing as the bus stop is 10-15 minutes in the opposite direction to which I had just walked). A student bustled past me as I stood there, dropping his wallet by accident, so I assisted in picking up all the cards that had dropped out of it.

I eventually left the station, wondering which route would be quickest and which would get me less bedraggled in the process. The rain was coming down harder so I checked the two bus stops I passed, but they weren’t the right ones. I walked more briskly still, crossing the main road and walking past what appeared to be the opening night of an exhibition at the V&A, passing fancily-dressed people get out of Rollers and such like, having umbrellas held aloft for them by their drivers.

I got to the bus stop but had just missed a bus. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait for too long for another one. I was going to have to change in a few stops anyway, to get my usual bus. I texted Big Sis and told her jokingly that I would see her sometime before 9.00. She told me to text her when I was on the train home, so that she could warm up some dinner for me. Aww. It’s like having a wife. I sat next to a smart older man, who politely excused himself past me as he got off the bus a stop or two later. I did the same a few minutes afterwards and walked down to the bus stop I needed to wait. The timetable display said 10 minutes. Only one bus going in the direction I needed stopped here. There is another bus stop across the very large roundabout (not a park one, lol) junction about 5 minutes’ walk away, which has several buses all going the way I want. Feeling fidgety, not in the mood to wait and oddly energetic, I decided to make a walk for it. Umbrellas and blustery weather don’t really make for a good combination, so after fighting with the wind to keep my umbrella over my head, I decided to do away with it completely and fight the elements face-on. I crossed over two main roads and ran through Admiralty Arch, alongside joggers and cyclists in both directions, understanding for one of very few times the appeal of such modes of travel. It was wet, but still quite humid, but the rain was cooling on my hair and face and I felt a little bit more alive. As I waited at the third of four crossings, I saw the bus I would have otherwise been waiting for pass by, several minutes sooner than the predicted ten, and laughed at my unnecessary attempt at time-saving. But at least I was getting a bit of exercise. I crossed the final crossing and ran to the stop, just in time to jump on a bendy bus.

Luckily, this whole time, my iPod on shuffle was throwing out a fantastic soundtrack to my transport misery, with the playlist as follows:

Feverdog – Stillwater (Almost Famous soundtrack)
Previous Cats – Musiq
One Blood Under W – Wu-Tang Clan feat. Junior Reid
Complicated – Robin Thicke
Put In The Work – Skinnyman
Read Your Mind – Avant
Anne – Santigold
Ayo Technology – 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake
Hold On – Dwele
One – Jay Dee

I arrived at the station and jumped off the bus, risking missing my train by making a beeline for Boots to buy a chocolate milkshake that my brisk walking had inspired a craving for. I rushed to my usual platform and found that I needn’t have bothered. It was a few minutes until departure, but there wasn’t even a platform up yet. Several announcements later, I had to rush eight platforms down to get the train that had been delayed and reallocated due to the ‘wet weather conditions’. Err….do you mean ‘rain’? Isn’t that quite a common occurrence in the UK? Hmm. I digress. We stood on the platform, getting progressively more impatient while the train sat there but the doors wouldn’t open. We were still standing there at 7.23pm, although the screens on the platform were still saying ‘7:23 service - On Time’ and remained saying that until at least 7.31pm when the train actually left. Yes, I’m a geek. I sat in my seat, thankful to finally be on my way, formulating blog posts in my head to document the day’s proceedings. I texted Big Sis to tell her my ETA and then read Shortlist magazine to indulge my boyish side, while listening to music until my battery died halfway through my train journey.

I legged it home and put my umbrella out to dry, then Big Sis greeted me with, “Hello. Your laptop’s not working.” What. I looked at the message of doom, telling me that the system couldn’t boot up and that I may need to back-up and restore. I took a look and tried to sort it out, asking Big Sis questions about what she had done and what messages it had shown her. “Do you want me to warm up your dinner while you do that?” she asked, making me feel even more like I had a wife. If I’m going to do a practice-run of marriage, I should probably be taking on the role I will probably eventually play, not get used to having it myself, lol. I carried on tinkering, but without much luck. I ate dinner and we chatted while watching TV, catching a hilarious episode of Don’t Tell The Bride, which we thought would turn out to be a disaster when the groom decided to theme the wedding with his football team’s colours (claret and light blue – yikes). I get a text from Miss T half-way through. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day. I crack up and reply. Lol! Yeah, let's hope so! Or at least hope for a fire. Miss T texts back. I like the second option best. I am still cracking up. Well, it is always our first choice. Don't lose hope. She responds with Fingers crossed. Bis Sis and I then watch a brilliant episode of The Secret Millionaire that was set in South London and had me in streams of tears and then the start of True Blood, which I never would have bothered checking out, but got hooked after seeing the first 20 minutes. My laptop was still not responding, despite several tries to reboot it, restore it, make a backup image of the hard drive, checks for hardware errors and, as a last resort a complete system restore. Still no joy. My blog posts (and anything else computer or internet-related) would have to wait. I think the energy expended in just trying to get home and the stress of the rest of the day meant that I didn’t have any left to get upset about that. I’ll give it till this evening. I had a nice hot bath, then got ready for bed, while watching the rest of True Blood on Channel 4+1, eventually getting down to sleep just before 1.00am. The end of this day couldn’t come quick enough. Thankfully, the end was loads better than the rest of it.