Good Night, Mr. Newman

He was rather gorgeous, wasn't he?

Doing What I'm Doing...

I have an interview tomorrow. I have had several job interviews and have never really found them a problem. But I've never been in this situation before. It's a weird one. For many reasons. I'll explain...

The department I work in has had a recruitment freeze since sometime in the summer (May or June?) due to an organisational restructure that has been taking place all year. Due to this (second) restructure, several staff members have left over the past months, meaning that several positions have remained vacant for some time. In fact, my own supervisor left his post in July. So now, a few months down the line, the recruitment freeze is over, and interviews for the vacant posts are taking place internally. But because there are so many vacant posts, with several at the same grade/level, the management have decided to hold generic interviews for each level, with applicants being considered for as many posts they have expressed an interest in.

Since I have essentially been doing it since July, I expressed an 'interest' in my supervisor's job. I use the inverted commas because even now, the night before the interview, I am still unsure of whether I really want the job. I am unsure for many reasons. Let me summarise:

a.) My team is currently understaffed. By 50%! It's only a two-person team, and in fairness I have had a fantastic temp working with me. BUT, even with two full-time people, we are still understaffed for the workload.

b.) My supervisor's job is extremely busy. but also has the downside of carrying the responsibility for the team my current job doesn't. It also seems to require that one has a huge bank of knowledge of the subject matter, of which I possess about 40% (I'm being generous).

c.) There will be no training as such. Why? Because most of our sub-department is newer than me and therefore knows even less about my subject matter than I do.

d.) My line manager is lovely, but has a verrrrrrrrry relaxed working style. She can be scatty, late, ditsy and seems to check Facebook and Hotmail rather often throughout the day. Quite often, when discussing work issues, it seems like we are speaking different languages. I don't always feel she gives the practical support I need from a line manager. Having said that, we recently had an informal meeting and she picked up some things that I thought had gone unnoticed. It was quite productive and it felt like we were making progress. As a person, I really like her. Professionally, I am not so sure. More worryingly, I can see quite a lot of myself in her and that scares/depresses/concerns me.

The interview is also a weird one. It's a generic one for all vacant jobs at the same level, so although I have only expressed an interest in applying for one specific position, that requires rather specific skills and knowledge, I will have to answer general questions on the skills needed to do any job of that grade. To add further to this weird situation, the interview panel will be made up of FOUR people. [May I just clarify here that this is not a high-level position?] Three of these people are the (rather unpopular) management team who have been in charge of the whole restructuring process. Intimidating, much? Then, to add insult to injury, we are required to complete some sort of test before the interview. They haven't actually told us what this will involve, but if I am asked to draft a letter/create a spreadsheet/prove I can use a computer, I will have to grit my teeth in despair and ignore the affront.

In short, the whole restructuring process hasn't been dealt with very well and staff morale has been rather low. Some staff were offered acting-up opportunities in order to cover positions at the next level up from their current positions. By the time my supervisor left, I was told that those opportunities had ceased. I have therefore essentially been acting-up for over two months without getting paid for it.

It's now the night before the interview and instead of running through interview questions in my head and preparing myself mentally, I am instead writing a blog listing all the reasons why I shouldn't go for the job, or why I can't do it. I haven't even planned my outfit for tomorrow. Just to add a little bit of extra pressure, the usual dresscode is smart-casual. So nothing shouts "hey everyone, I have an interview today, for a job you too might be applying for!" louder than looking out of place in a dark suit and heels, when you usually rock casual skirts and flat boots, or even jeans and trainers.

I really have been letting that pesky 'Little Hater' get the better of me (check the vid if you haven't already). I am being interviewed for a job that I already have experience in and knowledge of. I already have nine months' good service with this organisation. I haven't caused any great disasters in that time(!). I am only competing with other internal candidates. I have already been doing the job for two months! Why do I have so many doubts I can't do it???

Despite all the doubts and the reasons why I shouldn't go for it, I have thought of two reasons to the contrary, the second of which I only really discovered today:

1.) The money is quite a bit better (not a predominantly motivating factor in my life, but right now, I really really need it)

2.) "Where you are at present is where God wants you to be." God has placed each one of us in the workplace/place of study/neighbourhood we are currently in for a reason.

I was reminded of point number two today, at a Bible course I've been attending. Even if I can't see a specific reason why I should go for this job, it doesn't mean that God doesn't have one. So if I am offered the position, I know I have to leave it in His hands, trust Him to help me do it, and do it well. And stop listening to the Little Hater! After all, this job only involves me doing what I'm already doing.

Right, I must get my suit ready...

Women in Leadership

There was an event at my workplace last week. To get to the building I work in, I have to walk through the foyer of the main building, and as I did so, I saw signs announcing a forum entitled 'Women in Leadership'. Running late for work (for a change, lol), I rushed past, only managing to cast a few quick glances to satisfy my curiosity.

To my right, there was a row of tables covered with dark blue cloths; reception staff in smart suits waiting to greet guests; glossy signs inviting 'Registration'; stacks of programs and booklets for delegates, along with other literature and free promotional materials including...pink bottles of shampoo. Shampoo! And pink! That's the way to get these serious academic/business types to take women in leadership seriously, people! Stereotyping, much? Cynical marketing, anyone? I couldn't help but chuckle slightly, feeling slightly embarrassed, amused, insulted and confused by their apparent obliviousness to the conflicting messages. It's irksome that in our sucker-for-advertising MTV generation, this sort of thing actually works. But I had to laugh, knowing that for all my objection, I can be easily distracted by pretty things.

I had a one-to-one meeting with my (female) boss that afternoon. As we walked back to the office, I told her about it and she took similar issue with it, before quipping, much to my amusement, "Don't want to hit that glass ceiling with dirty hair!"

Reach for the sky, ladies; just make sure your nails are manicured when you do. :o)

Friday Fill-In #1

1. Seeing Autumn fully arrive in all its glory, having a few days off, and finding out the outcome of my job interview are some of the things I'm most looking forward to in October.
2. Sometimes I am lost for words.
3. Times change and sometimes even the most stubborn heart and mind can be opened to new perspectives, and that's why there is a saying, "never say never"!
4. When I'm down, I either speak to someone close to me or retreat into my shell and spend time alone, but I always remember that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" [Romans 8:28].
5. In my room is where you'll find me most often.
6. A rainy day is good for getting cosy in bed and watching some comfort tele, or doing all those little jobs around the house that need doing.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to dinner with the fam, tomorrow my plans include spending time with the church fam and Sunday, I want to do something productive!

One question...

...Why???

The Blame Game

It's easy to look for a reason outside yourself when things go wrong. This is especially the case when:

a.) you realise the mess is predominantly your own fault
b.) you're in denial that the mess is predominantly your own fault
c.) you're too proud to admit that the mess is predominantly your own fault
d.) you're oblivious to the fact that the mess is your own fault (predominantly or otherwise)

Playing the blame game is destructive because:

a.) it prevents you from accepting responsibility for your actions
b.) it focuses you on others' faults and distracts you from your own
c.) it stops you from identifying your weaknesses and working on them
d.) it hinders and prevents your ability to change
e.) it stops you from developing and improving as a person
f.) it means your negative patterns of behaviour remain unidentified and/or unaltered
g.) it impedes your emotional maturation, keeping you in the immature mindset of "he/she started it!"

I am currently saddened and infuriated by a friend's predicament, in which a person close to her is wilfully (in all senses of the word) oblivious to their own negative part to play in the situation. Instead, they are seemingly wholly determined to lay all blame at her door, despite much evidence to the contrary. Their dishonesty and denial about their own negative contributions to the mess seem to extend even to themselves, so that by extension even their immediate family are taken in by their inaccurate version of events. Worse than this, their manipulation of the truth (maliciously or otherwise) has even started to convince my friend that she is to blame, despite there being many cogent arguments to counteract this idea.

It's not easy to admit fault. I know this all too well, having a rather stubborn streak of my own. But I recognise that doing so is a necessary component for emotional growth. You can let the stubborn streak win and stay in denial. With trivial offences, you will likely infuriate other people, but you will mostly just harm yourself. But when your refusal to accept blame in matters of significance extends to the following misdemeanours:

- attributing sole responsibility on another person for all your ills;
- purposeful infliction of guilt on that person for said ills;
- manipulation of:
a.) that person so that they even start to consider accepting the blame, and
b.) other people, so that they start to take your word as truth and also blame that person,
- a "woe is me" attitude, by which you try to elicit sympathy from the other parties,

you are just WRONG. End of.

Evolution

I work near the Natural History Museum. For some reason, I’ve always loved the building. It may be one of my favourite buildings in London. Currently, there are signs all around it advertising the Darwin exhibition, which is taking place to commemorate several anniversaries: 150 years this July since Darwin and Wallace announced the theory of evolution through natural selection, 150 years since the publication of ‘On the Origin of Species’ in November 2009 and Darwin’s birthday bicentenary in February 2009. There is also the impressive new £78-million Darwin Centre, which is the most significant extension to the museum since 1881, opening to the public in September 2009. The architecture of concrete, steel and glass, is in stark contrast to the Romanesque Revival-style of the main building, designed by Alfred Waterhouse.

The juxtaposition of such different architectural styles is interesting to me, because it is also symbolic of another less obvious contrast.

The foundation of the museum’s collection was the donated private collection of Sir Hans Sloane, a wealthy and popular physician to high society and royalty. Sloane had collected an impressive number of objects of natural history, books, artefacts and specimens over his lifetime. Prior to his posthumous donation to the nation in 1753, his collection was stored in his own town house and was visited by important people from across the world. Sloane’s encouragement of such visits to his private museum and eventual donation of it (with the instruction that the government should purchase it for the nation’s benefit) were motivated by his passion for public service and his strong Christian beliefs.

The collection was part of the British Museum for a time. Sir Richard Owen became the museum’s first superintendent of the natural history departments in 1856 and was the driving force behind the campaign for the development of a dedicated museum of natural history. The museum was completed while Owen was still serving in this role and was opened to the public in 1881. His vision to create a public institution which would be a ‘cathedral to nature’ was finally realised. The church-like architecture is certainly a testament to the ‘cathedral’ vision. Owen strongly believed in the Divine origin of man and rejected Darwin’s theory of evolution, which led to much ill-feeling between the two of them and intense hatred between Owen and ‘Darwin’s Bulldog’, Thomas Henry Huxley.

How interesting then, that 150 years later, this monument to both nature and to Owen himself, is now a monument to the very theory that Owen so strongly opposed. There has been a lot of talk recently about the conflict between creationist ideas and evolutionary theory, and whether there is a place for discussing this conflict in the science classroom. This debate has been provoked by the somewhat misconstrued comments of now-resigned director of education at the Royal Society, Professor Michael Reiss.

I don’t personally believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. But it’s interesting to see how the ethos of an institution can completely evolve over time.

[Natural History Museum - history and architecture]

Golden

I got a great piece of relationship advice today. Wanna hear it?

"Keep it all between the two of you. Don't let anyone else interfere. Advice is great but isn't always what you want to hear and if you take all of it on board, you'll be just as confused as you were without it."

It's ironic to advise someone against taking advice, but I think she could be on to something...

SuperHero

My girl KM tagged me on this. I can't resist playing a little game, so here goes...

1. What is the most powerful thing you have done in the last 5 years?
Getting up, dusting myself off and putting the cape back on after a few battles with a nemesis or two.

2. What is your super power?
Sheer hardheaded resilience.

3. If you could choose another super power now, what would it be?
Imperviousness to affront.

4. Describe your superhero outfit.
A mix of comfort and style with a dash of bold colour.

5. What is your kryptonite?
I can echo KM's answer that it may be 'who' rather than 'what'. Being too forgiving maybe, although maybe that's a superpower in itself...?