Island Life

I think of you out there, in the open
Unsheltered from the elements or from God's own eyes,
Searching for your life's nucleus,
While particles swirl about you, with no discernible pattern.  
Selfishly I hope
That the clean air breathed into your lungs
Awakens your mind,
To sharpen your thoughts towards me.
And the sunlight that touches and warms your face,
Warms your heart
Enough for it to open.
Let the mountains cry out to you of love
As their peaks rise skyward together.
No-one should be alone.
"Go to her," the wind will whisper
As its breeze ruffles your curls and tickles your ears,
"Retrieve her and never let her go."
What do you know of love?
What can you know of sadness?
My heart has been fractured many times over,
Its scars have strengthened me.
Your perfect heart, with skin-deep bump and bruise,
Is fragile from protection.
We will never be ready.
The soil does not say to the clouds,
"Wait, wait until I am perfectly prepared to receive you,
Before you dispense your rain."
The ground will accept the sky's gifts, whatever they may be,
Whenever they are given.
Will you deny your spirit
What would nourish its life?
The ground that you make your bed
Cannot replicate my embrace,
Or transmit my warmth to your bones.
Let the drops that fall from above,
Moistening your skin,
Remind you of our tears.
As you behold the vastness of the sky
And the enormity of what lies ahead,
Think of me.
The clouds saunter by, with graceful intent
Blown about by winds, with no anchor
To secure them.
You were the roots that kept me grounded,
While you drifted as a tumbleweed,
Free of ties to hold you down
But devoid of security and shelter.
It is your choice.
No man is an island;
Let love be the bridge that joins your island with mine.

Favourite Quote of the Moment

“When sadness was the sea, you were the one that taught me to swim.”

- Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You

I would...

...make someone a kick-ass wife. What a shame that no-one will give me the opportunity to prove this.

#wastedtalents

Friday Fill-Ins #84

And...here we go!

1. Sunshine deficiency is no joke.  I'm considering the possibility that I need to permanently live in a much sunnier and perhaps warmer climate.
2."She does whatever she wants, my wife," is the last thing I overheard someone [my Dad!] say.
3. I found a recipe for carrot cake with lime cream cheese icing and it really tasted good!
4. I'm looking forward to my life finally going somewhere.
5. Right now I can hear my Dad groaning in his sleep. It makes me feel sad.
6. I'm so tired, I'm having trouble thinking of anything that makes me smile!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to sleep, even though I didn't get an early night as planned (I blame Tumblr), tomorrow my plans include quiet time, reading and Sunday, I want to go home, where I haven't been for more than a week!

Both Sides of the Coin...

Reasons to just give up and die:

• I’m in the process of being evicted from the home I’ve lived in for all but 3 years of my life.  There is a very slim possibility that we will be allowed to stay.  Otherwise, I have 3 weeks to pack up and leave.
• If we are evicted, I will have to move in with my parents, which will be stressful, restrictive and slightly demoralising at my age.
• My Dad has bladder cancer.  He had radiotherapy in March, but it has still spread to his lungs and his liver and possibly elsewhere.  He has decided to not have chemotherapy and to ‘let nature take its course’.  He is nearly 87.
• I’ve been battling depression for most of the past 5 years.  I have been signed off sick from work for the past 6 weeks or so and for another 2 more from today.  
• My boyfriend of 2 and a half years and I broke up last month.  It was sort of a mutual decision in that we want different things at the moment, and we are still friends, but losing the person who gave me the most support both emotionally and financially over the past 2 years has been so difficult.
• I would really like to be in a stable relationship in which marriage would be the next step in the not-so-distant future.  I’d love to start a family within the next 5 years and being single now feels like falling back down a mountain that will take so long to climb back up
• I find my job non-stimulating, unfulfilling and frustrating.  I feel lost and don’t know what to do career-wise that will pay the bills but still stimulate and challenge me, allow me to feel like I am doing something worthwhile and not be resentful of because I spend more time there than with the people I love. 

Reasons to be cheerful:

• The possibility of having to move out means that I will be forced to have a cull of my belongings.  Seeing as I have hoarding tendencies, this will be good for me.
• The possibility of having to live with my parents means that I will be around my Dad a lot and will also be able to help my Mum with looking after him, which will give her some assistance and the occasional much-needed break.
• I will have more motivation to make a proper effort to save up and get a place of my own.
• Being off work for a prolonged period for the second time this year has made me realise just how much I need a change in my work life.  I’ve desperately wanted a career change and have been toying with going into either teaching or nursing (among other things) for the past few years.  This week, I finally started my application to enrol on a Children’s Nursing degree next Autumn.
• Being single means that I can make snap decisions about my life and not have to worry about how they will affect a significant other.
• Having so many things in my life fall to pieces has meant that I’ve had to reassess things and make the decision to implement changes that have been needed for way too long.  Making the necessary changes to change my life for the better will hopefully ease my depression and give me positive things to work towards and hold onto.
• Because my life is currently so full of negatives, I’ve realised how important my faith is and how much I need (and want) to develop my spiritual life and relationship with God.  I’ve neglected that side of my life for too long.

Life has been pretty awful lately, but bizarrely, I’ve felt freer than I have in a long time.  I can’t change the things that have happened, but I can decide how I deal with them.  And I am going to fight for my life like I never have before.