This week started off well. It had to, really, since it was the May Day bank holiday weekend. Nothing starts off a week better than not having to go to work on the Monday.
Lisacles was coming over to stay on Sunday and Monday nights, so it was a mad dash on Sunday morning for me to get my place in order, unless I wanted her to sleep on the pile of dirty clothes that was occupying my bedroom floor. After making more floor space than I had seen in a long while, vacuuming and dusting and just generally getting rid of stuff that was taking up
unnecessary space, I even had time to have a nice long soak in a hot bath before I had to meet her at the station. After yapping pretty much non-stop for about 3 hours, we realised we would have to actually leave the house if we wanted to catch X-Men Origins (or '
Wolveriney' as I like to call it). As we left for the bus-stop, we reached the main road to see the bus go speeding past us. Great. We managed to get the next one, which then randomly decided to change destinations and not go as far as we needed it to. Another bus passed us half-way there and we managed to jump off at a bus-stop and leg it on to the one ahead. Feeling rather smug that we made it, the feeling soon faded as the driver from the one behind followed us and asked the other driver to wait while some passengers transferred. We ran for nothing. I don't appreciate
unnecessary self-exertion. During the rest of the journey, we were amused/disturbed by a fly on the windowsill next to us breaking out what appeared to be
Capoeira moves. I should clarify. I was amused, and sort of impressed. Lisa was disturbed. But then, she was the one sitting closest to it. After what felt like ages, we arrived at the cinema to find the most confusing queuing system ever - "Join any queue, you can buy tickets at any till!" - which meant there were people waiting to buy popcorn behind people who didn't even have tickets for the film yet. We eventually got to speak to someone at the bar, who told us there were no tickets left for Wolverine, but would we like a beer or a selection of hot beverages? OK, he didn't say that last bit, but they were for sale. The next showing wasn't for 2 and a half hours. We ended up going to Starbucks for a quick hot beverage and then heading home, me feeling absolutely ravenous after not really eating all day. Once home, we yapped some more, watched some
CSI:NY series 4, cracked up at a Korean guy doing karaoke on
YouTube and then ordered some Chinese food.
Day 2, we try again. Deciding we'd go for the earliest showing, which was lunchtime, I booked the tickets in advance this time, to guarantee we wouldn't make the trip for nothing. I made a mental note of the booking reference and then we left for the bus-stop. As we reached the main road, we again saw the bus speeding past us. I can't make this up. We stop at the shop for
sustenance and then walk down to the next stop, eating crisps and
Oreos and lamenting our utter bad luck. We finally get to the cinema, get to the
pre-booked ticket machines and I realise I have left my cards at home. What on earth?! Someone is just dead-set against us seeing this film. I go to the bar and speak to a guy and remember with relish that I committed the booking reference to memory. Clever
ol' me. The booking reference isn't recognised. I am on the verge of either crying, sitting down in a heap on the floor, or punching someone in the face. He searches my name and the tickets are found, which have the booking reference printed on them (the one I correctly recited, by the way). I resist the need for popcorn and we make it into the screen, in good time, before the adverts, without knocking over
anyone's snacks or being unable to
find our seats. Finally.
Nearly two hours of Hugh
Jackman/
Wolveriney goodness later, we are ready for food. We head to
Strada, as
Lisacles very cannily has a 2 for 1 voucher. I spend a while stuck between two choices for main course (one pasta, one pizza), and ponder what a 'white pizza' is. I know that phrase, but it doesn't click. I go for the pizza. A glass of the yummiest cranberry juice I have tasted later, I remember what it is. No tomato sauce. I had really been craving tomato sauce. My other pick was some pasta with a tomato-based sauce. I pick the only pizza on the menu that doesn't have tomato sauce and it didn't even occur to me to ask. This weekend gets better and better,
lol. Lisa has some amazing chicken, which she graciously shares. In return, I offer her some of my
sauceless pizza to mop up her mushroom sauce. It works out pretty well. We ponder whether to stay for dessert and then remember the rather tempting-looking cake shop a few doors down. We buy two very generous (and reasonably-priced!) slices of cheesecake to go and then head home. The cheesecake makes the evening and we eat it in between yapping and watching more
CSI:NY. Thank goodness for having each other's company on Tuesday morning. I had been off work since Friday and Lisa since Thursday, so remembering we both had jobs we had to go back to was a strain. We actually got up on time, got ready at a nice leisurely pace and made, albeit begrudgingly, it to work.
I've previously mentioned my foray into swine flu prevention, which was amusing and somewhat pointless, but was an hour out of the office mid-afternoon, which was fine by me. The ladies I was helping out were very funny, one taking a mild-mannered approach ("Would you like a
handwipe?") and the other being rather assertive in a hilarious manner ("May I give you a
handwipe sir? No, it's not optional. It's because of the swine flu"). I got a bit flustered and nearly offered someone a "swine flu" instead of a "
handwipe". The reactions we got were varied and funny. Some people reacted with disproportionate gratitude: "A
handwipe? Oh wow, thanks. That's really thoughtful!" until a companion pointed out it this thoughtful 'gift' was probably due to swine flu. "Oh. Oh yeah." Others actively avoided us, or said rather forcefully, "I don't want one." Others just laughed at the thought that such a pathetic measure would be making the slightest bit of difference to a pandemic. Either way, it meant I wasn't in the office for an hour and that was fine by me.
In a lot of ways, it was a week of disappointments and sadness. I found out that the job I was hoping on was not meant to be, which I've accepted. I struggled with general feelings of discontent and unhappiness. I did a lot of thinking about my relationship and found that as much as it utterly pained me to realise and as much as I would feel unhappy making the decision, the way things were wasn't working for me. I am not proud of the way I conveyed this to the Boy, but I think part of the way the conversation went on my part was reactionary to how he responded. He didn't seem to understand, much less accept my point of view. He doesn't understand why chit-chatting on
IM, but never having quality time together on the phone (I'm talking once a week, maybe even once a fortnight, I'm not asking for blood) and the fact I never hear from him at weekends and the fact that we still don't have a definite time for him coming over, among other things, all make this extremely difficult and just not enough for me. I have my share of insecurities as everyone does, but being in a long-distance relationship, where the other person just isn't available enough makes even the most insignificant insecurities worse. I don't really want to explain every detail here, but he just doesn't get it. All the things that would be necessary to improve our relationship enough for me to hang on till a visit, are all within his capabilities. I've cut him so much slack over the past two years. I compromised on what I would and wouldn't accept, just to make life easier and to make things work. But he said
I was giving up on us. He seemed like he wanted to work things out rather than lose them altogether, but yet it seemed he wasn't willing to do anything that involved any inconvenience or sacrifice on his part. He has a number of explanations or excuses, but I think that if he really meant the things he said about what the relationship meant to him, he'd find a way round it. I've tried my best to. I can't keep doing that for the both of us. I am kind of devastated, to be honest. Yes, it was my decision, but I suppose deep down I had hoped that he would do whatever he could to change my mind.
Meanwhile, a friendship is blossoming with my blast from the past. We've exchanged a few messages, catching up on each other's lives, but mainly discussing the spiritual challenges we've faced and how to deal with them. It's refreshing having such open and brutally honest conversations about a subject that doesn't always get discussed in detail, at least not in my experience. He's challenged my thinking, showed me a different perspective on a few things and given me a bit of encouragement. I've really needed that this week. In addition to this, I also had a really interesting catch-up and discussion via
MSN with one of my oldest (in terms of length of relationship, not age!) friends. Again, we spoke about a few things that don't often get readily discussed in a spiritual context. It was thought-provoking and encouraging and a long-time coming, since we don't catch up that often. We talked about the idea of being tempted to bail when things got difficult within our religious communities/worship groups and how it's a challenge to stay and be useful and work for God in situations that are utterly frustrating and seemingly impossible! At the same time, I was also having an
MSN discussion with two church friends and have somehow agreed to be involved with helping to organise the worship services from July onwards. It was my very own mini Jonah experience, since I have been feeling really conflicted over whether to continue attending this group and to therefore get involved, or to just go elsewhere. I have found it very frustrating at times and have been reluctant to really commit to any responsibility after having a few negative experiences with the group. I was starting to come to the conclusion that it's not for me and that things were too difficult to change, but God seems to be telling me something. I've been trying to run away, but one way or another I think God is taking me to Nineveh. :
oPA word that sums up the week? Challenging. But I guess that's not a bad thing, by any means. The most important thing is that I'm trying to rise to the challenges and meet them face-on, instead of running away. I have the parachute on, but I'm not jumping out of the plane quite yet. How was your week? What challenges did you encounter on the road to the weekend? I hope that whatever problems you faced, you can know that you're not alone.
Friday Fill-Ins come courtesy of Janet. Click the button to play too!
