Sleep and Stupidity

It has been a challenging week. I can't bring myself to even write the Week in Review because to be honest, I don't even want to have to revisit most of it. In many ways, it wasn't a bad week. It may have brought some experiences that were necessary, or ones that have been somewhat worthwhile in hindsight, but it still doesn't mean it was easy, or even enjoyable.

Yesterday I woke up with the beginnings of a migraine. I was still in a really good mood, woke relatively early and called BFTP for our devotional and then had a nice long shower and got dressed. I weighed myself, which I rarely do, but have done more frequently lately to check on the state of my depleting body weight, and was encouraged to find that my increasing greediness has resulted in the gain of a few pounds. Dad had caught the flu at the end of this week and although he was starting to feel better, he decided to stay at home and rest. Big Sis, Mum and I left in good time for church and basked in the sunshine by putting our sunglasses on in sync. I ate toast and drank tea on the way and then resigned to taking half a dose of medication for my migraine, which seemed to be settling in for the long haul.

Big Sis and I joined a different Bible study group to Mum and had an interesting and thoughtful discussion. My eyes were feeling sensitive to the light and my head was still feeling fuzzy, so I took the remainder of my migraine medication and hoped that it wouldn't spoil my enjoyment of the day. When the main service started, we sang our hearts out and felt our spirits become lighter. We listened to a children's' story that seemed to have a very tenuous link to a moral lesson. It really tickled me and I was shaking with laughter and had tears streaming out of my eyes at the hilarious narrative. Mum and Big Sis smiled at my uncontrollable reaction and Big Sis tried to avoid eye contact with me so that my giggles wouldn't become contagious. I eventually managed to calm down in time for the sermon and felt uplifted, encouraged an inspired by the message that was based on Romans chapter 7 and the start of chapter 8.

We spoke to friends and greeted familiar and non-familiar faces alike. The sun was still shining brightly and we were feeling refreshed. Mum and Big Sis went to speak to the leader of the small group we had met with last week, who although is not on the ministerial payroll at present, is an experienced pastor himself in his home country. Mum hadn't planned to talk to him about the week's events, but to her surprise learned that the Pastor had already contacted him twice, once before the group met and once after, to advise him to disassociate himself from our family or the group wouldn't be successful! He had to laugh at the absurd suggestion and told the Pastor in the nicest possible terms that he has his own mind and will come to his own conclusions about with whom he should associate with. He took pleasure in relaying the fact that we had experienced an extremely enjoyable and blessed Sabbath together and that a result, the group had decided to meet once a month at my Mum's place. He had been involved in the situation unnecessarily and discussed with Mum how we should proceed. My head was still hurting and to be honest, I didn't want to spoil the feeling of encouragement I had experienced in the service by revisiting such a negative topic of conversation. I decided to wait in the car and listened to some music, while reclining the passenger seat and shielding my face from the sun with my scarf.

After the conversation finished, we drove home and talked about things a little. We arrived back and Mum prepared some lunch, while Big Sis and I read some articles in the church magazine. To our surprise, we found a piece entitled 'Friendly Fire?' which talked about gossip, harsh words and character assassination, made all the worse when it comes, not from the enemy, but from the very people who you expect to be on your side. It mentioned that this is especially hurtful when it stems from a pastor or elder. We marvelled at the relevance to our situation, especially because, incredibly, the article was written by the very person whose position of authority within our church means that he may well have to deal personally with our own difficult and rather similar situation.

We ate a fantastic lunch and among other things enjoyed tomatoes fried with Greek basil, both harvested from Mum's own back garden. I ate heartily and felt the food coma start to set in, made worse by the fact that my eyes and head were still feeling extremely heavy. I can't even remember the last time I had a migraine this bad. I resigned myself to that fact that I needed to lie down and tried to sleep this off, taking more medication and then going upstairs to get in bed. I planned to sleep for an hour and then get up to watch a programme about prophecy that I try to catch every week. But my 'quick' nap ends up lasting 3 hours and when I eventually feel able to get up, it is about 7.00pm. I go back downstairs and Mum offers to massage my head. She rubs my shoulders and I suddenly find that my muscles are extremely painful from carrying heavy bags yesterday. Mum tries to ease out the tension and rubs my head and grips my hair. My head still feels foggy, but the massage helps a lot. We have a drink and listen to a concert online. It is steadily starting to get dark, so we close the Sabbath with a prayer and then Mum cuts up some melon, which we tuck into enthusiastically.

I am staying here tonight, but I go with Mum to take Big Sis home and we stop at the supermarket to pick up a couple of things I need. At the till, I find that my card isn't working. I have a moment of panic at the thought that my money must have already depleted so soon after pay day. My bills are higher than usual this month and I feel that familiar sinking feeling that this is going to be a lean month. We make our way to drop Big Sis home and then on the way back I realise that I don't have my scarf. I am sure I was wearing it in the supermarket. It's my favourite scarf and in addition to my sudden lack-of-cash induced depression I suddenly feel utterly miserable. I look inside the car, and am reassured by Mum that "maybe you left it at home," but I remember for sure that I had it round my neck in the shop and now it is nowhere to be seen. It seems like such a small thing to get upset about, but at the moment, the little things are helping to keep me sane. I try to call BFTP, but he was feeling exhausted earlier and I guess he is still out for the count. I try not to get frustrated that I can't get through to him and tell myself that it's stupid to be upset about a scarf, when he has much bigger things going on. I have a hot drink with the 'rents and then decide to go to bed. I watch an episode of CSI in bed, while trying to call BFTP a few more times, but after getting his voicemail I guess that his battery must have died. I realise that my migraine is not completely gone and know that I really should just try and sleep it off. It has been a weird old day and I am hoping that the new day and new week will bring new possibilities, new energy and new hope.