Breathe and Reboot

Lamentations 3:22-23 [NIV]

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.

I am so glad that God's mercy and love towards us is renewed at the start of each new day. Sometimes, things seem so insurmountably difficult and all around appears to be bleak, but a new day can bring new hope, new strength and a fresh batch of renewed energy. As King David said, "Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." [Psalms 30:5, NKJV]

During the past couple of days, everything has felt fraught and I have been experiencing waves of anxiety. On the outside, I tried to maintain the appearance of the graceful swan, but just below the water's surface, I was paddling furiously to keep afloat. The end of the day came, and I realised I felt completely exhausted. After my difficulty getting to sleep the previous night and all the various emotions I had experienced in those 24 hours, I realised I was feeling rather drained. I also had the pre-menstrual munchies like a mofo and had eaten way too much sugar in too short a space of time. I couldn't wait to get home, but still made a stop before catching my train to pick up some fries from BK to satisfy the craving I was experiencing. My phone battery was very low and I kept checking my phone at intervals, waiting for some news from BFTP, and wondering if the lack of it was an indication that the news was too bad for him to relay. On the bus, he called me. He sounded much cheerier than earlier, but the news was neither good nor bad. The condition of his eye hadn't really changed since Saturday. He has to continue with all the medicated eye drops and go back in a week. "No news is good news," I offered, truthfully feeling that even though it wasn't over, this was better than what we had feared, but hoping the cliché didn't sound hollow. He sounded relatively positive although I couldn't really tell exactly what he was feeling. We agreed to talk when I got home. I felt relieved that we had a week of respite. Of sorts.

When I was on the train, Lolly sent me a lovely text to check that I was OK and see if there was any news. She apologised for being stressed because of her last week in her current job and promised she would be more fun next week. I was amused by her perception of things, when she had been nothing but good company over the weekend, and was continuing to be encouraging and supportive, despite her own situation. I was thankful for her thoughtfulness. I got home and resolved to eat half the Galia melon we had in the fridge by way of dinner, as my excess of sugar and junk food was starting to take its toll. Big Sis wasn't home yet, so I had a quick chat with Bro-in-Law before retreating to my room. Feeling a little cold and just plain shattered, I changed out of my work clothes and into pyjamas and got into bed. I called Dad and he told me that Mum and Big Sis had just left. We had a brief chat and then I ate some melon while half-watching an old episode of Monk.

A little later they arrived back. Big Sis went to get herself some food and Mum came to my room to tell me the latest. She got into bed with me and talked about what had been discussed with our friend. He was very supportive towards us and mentioned a few other recent instances that showed we were not alone in our experience. Mum seemed much less stressed about everything. Big Sis came upstairs to join the conversation and we talked things over. I proof-read the letter she had written in response and agreed that it was respectful and well-written and that I was happy for it to be sent on my behalf as well as from her. Everyone's spirits seemed to have been lifted. The anger, hurt and upset had dissipated and was replaced by new determination, fresh resolve and encouragement, but all tinged by slight sadness at the situation.

Mum asked if there was any news about BFTP and I told her that things were the same, but that for now that was a good thing. We continued to talk until Mum decided to head home just after 9.30pm, not before nicking a couple a roses from the garden on her way out. :o) Things felt calm again and I was relieved. BFTP and I had a chat before I went to bed. He was on a mission to get a prescription for more of his eye medication, which hadn't been provided by the hospital. He was having to go all over town to get the necessary authorisation and then find a pharmacy that was open after 11.00pm. We spoke and it felt good to just chat again. There are still so many things to discuss and there are on-going challenges to face, but I think we just needed to enjoy the brief sense of relief that things were OK for the moment. We laughed about something and he commented that it felt like ages since we had just cracked up and had a giggle about things. Who knows what tomorrow might bring? Today we breathe, reboot and hope our systems don't crash again any time too soon.