InAction

I wrote this poem and posted it elsewhere more than a year ago. At the time, I was feeling demotivated and was frustrated with the knowledge that life had become stagnant, that I needed to take action, but was conflicted by the fact that I couldn't seem to get motivated, partly because I didn't really know what action to take. I am still not completely sure exactly what changes I need to put in place, but I have made a couple of changes already and that's a start. I don't have quite the same feeling of hopelessness or pessimism that I had back then, but I thought I would make a reminder of the pep talk I had written to myself, in the hope that my current feeling of movement won't lose momentum.

InAction

It's no fun waiting.
Wish I was ahead of the action
Or was my own protagonist
Not even the main character
In my own story
How to make things happen?
Hmm.
Inaction leads to uncertainty
Insecurity
I don't fit in.
Or at least sometimes,
In my own world.
I'm a disappointment
And disappointed
How to make them proud?
Hmm.
I just want to be me.
Happy.
I don't give in.
Or at least sometimes,
On my own terms
But at the worst times
Compromise and sacrifice are two different things
It's tough to be your own soldier
When you need someone to hold
Your hand
Only occasionally
But too proud to ask
Don't admit defeat!
Like the Pharaohs of old
Rewrite my history:
None of this even happened,
I was never unsure,
This was no mistake,
It was all part of the plan.
Sort of.
In a quandary.
Waiting for it to happen
But the only one I'm waiting on
Is me.
Get up! Get out! Do something!
Am I a coward?
Oh no.
I'm like an old English king
Whose portrait is much better than the real thing
In my head I'm a warrior
In reality
The armour is on
But I never left the house.
Enough.
Today has to be the day
The first day of the rest of my life
No looking back
No excuses
No regrets
No procrastination

ACTION