Obsessed, Obsessive, Obsessions

A couple of weeks ago, Big Sis and I were talking about personalities. Specifically, obsessive or addictive personalities. Since then, I have been wondering if I have one. I do tend to go through phases where I latch on to certain things, often to a moderately obsessive level and then sometimes overdose on them until I've had enough and move on. Sometimes the obsessions are cyclical, sometimes they are complete one-offs. Current mini obsessions? Weetos. Toast and marmalade. Writing. CSI (yes, still). They all seem pretty harmless. Sort of.

I am a creature of habit. Perhaps I simply find comfort in repetitive behaviour, or comfort in the familiar, the routine? But lately, I have been mulling over whether this explains my behaviour in my romantic relationships. I know that I throw myself into such things full-on, from quite early on. If I start to fall for someone, it consumes me, until I am wrapped up in my feelings for them and it becomes my focus. I think I feed off that feeling of passion for someone else, that desire to do things for them, to put them first. I know this isn't necessarily a good thing. I suppose it could be, with the right person. Maybe all people who give in to unrestricted infatuation can identify with this feeling and don't see it as a negative? I think it's a double-edged sword of sorts.

In some ways, it's exciting to experience an unfettered attachment to something, or someone, but it can lead to overkill. With hobbies, TV programs, foods, inanimate items (clothes, jewellery, gadgets, cars, pretty things, etc.), such attachments will eventually either lessen in intensity, wear off completely or go to the extreme that you even become averse to them. Tastes change, interests develop, expectations adjust. The advantage with these sorts of things is, you may start to get sick of your obsessions eventually, but at least they can't get sick of you.

In relationships, it is a much less healthy dynamic. Of course, this also depends on how the other person feels about you and whether your feelings for them are reciprocated. Having that all-consuming desire or appreciation for someone may not always be detrimental, but it might border on stifling. It may also make the other person crave space away from you, or alternatively they might just enjoy the attention, but start to take it for granted, or worse, take advantage of your willingness to give it. They may go to the other extreme, start to resent it and get totally fed up of you.

The infatuational, often lust-driven, butterflies-inducing, obsessive desire for someone that many romantic relationships begin with, is quite common. The problem is that no relationship can maintain that sort of emotion. Once the initial excitement, the thrill of the unknown, the newness of it all has worn off, there has to be something deeper, of greater substance, that remains, or else the relationship dies when the thrill does. I do believe in 'love' at first sight, but it's not real love, love of substance. I do believe that you can feel an immediate and very strong attraction to a person, even after only seeing them, but that is attraction, not love. I also believe you can experience an instantaneous connection with someone the first time you meet them and get a sense of their character, but that is intrigue and infatuation, not love. What can potentially develop out of these initial hormone and emotion-driven feelings and whether it actually does, is what is important. Mutual respect, admiration, friendship, care and concern, passion, intimacy, importance, spirituality, security, fondness, happiness, encouragement, comfort, trust, fidelity. All of these are some of the things that I think constitute love.

Some people believe that you can never have too much of a good thing. Others believe you should take everything in moderation, including moderation! Some strongly believe in temperance, self-control, self-discipline. Others take a more hedonistic approach to life. How do I feel? I'm still trying to figure that out. I would love to be more disciplined, but I don't want to completely lose my tendency for obsession with things, if it means I lose my passion for things that I enjoy or deem important. I believe in having a healthy balance, in enjoying life and not getting too caught up in worrying about the little things. I don't believe in depriving yourself of certain things just for the sake of it, if your heart is not in it and you become resentful as a result. I believe in making the decisions that are best for you as an individual, that there is an ideal way to live, but that how that specifically applies to each of our lives will be slightly different for each individual. I believe in people leading and advising by example and experience, rather than instructing without their own personal application. I don't believe in enforcing my views, opinions and values on other people. I believe in trying to be the best version of me that I can, the person that God created me to be, the person that He wants me to be. Now that's something that I can allow myself to be obsessed about.