All Dressed (Up) With Nowhere To Go

My week just gets better and better! Today, work had organised an 'away day' as part of their post-restructure team-building. They wouldn't tell us what the activities would constitute (it was part of the 'surprise'), but it was taking place at some sort of activity centre north of London. Initially, I had booked the time off work because of NY Guy's visit. When we broke up, I decided to keep the leave booked anyway, but then they announced this away day. Feeling like I should probably make an effort to attend, partly because I wasn't going away anywhere so was going to be in town anyway, partly because I thought it would probably be a good idea to take one for the team and partly because it was essentially a day out of the office that counted as a work day, I cancelled that one day of holiday and vowed to attend.

Fast forward to last night and I am checking travel details on my increasingly slow laptop. I am having trouble figuring out which will be the best route, am getting frustrated, am feeling tired and am starting to wish I had just kept the day off instead of agreeing to go on this stupid outing. I spent the day cleaning and only just finish what I had started in my room by about 11pm. Just after sunset, I discovered to my frustration that none of the lights in my room are working, save for a tiny lamp that is half broken and only works if two bits of its metal stand are connected in a particular way. This severely impedes my room cleaning endeavours. I put clean bed covers on and then had a bath at close to midnight. By the time I go to sleep, it is 2am. When my alarm goes off at 6am, I am baffled by the rude awakening and seem unable to open my eyes properly. I wake up and it is 7.15am. Crapola. I rush to get ready, cleaning my teeth and washing my face at the kitchen sink because Big Sis and Bro-in-Law are taking turns in the bathroom. I am already close to tears. I am really not feeling the prospect of a day of 'forced fun' and am already stressed because of the fact that I am not as organised as I would have liked to be. I am rushing and I hate doing that when I'm not certain of my journey. I try to finalise my travel plans, but my internet browser is not co-operating. I have to check it at intervals as I get dressed, still not completely sure what the easiest route will be, but thankful that I should still make it on time, despite my hour lay-in.

I left the house and went to the station to buy a ticket. Annoyingly, none of the train details were up on the screens. As I waited in line for the ticket machine, I heard the station attendant telling another person that there are delays. "How long are the delays?" the lady asked. "30 minutes, an hour, I don't know," he answered apologetically, "nothing's running to timetable." I sighed at the predictability of things never working out right. It was likely I was going to be really late either way. We were meant to be meeting at the train station at 9.30am to be picked up and taken to the centre by minibus. It was already 8.15am. Even if I managed to get to the station by 10.00am, I didn't know how to get to the centre and wasn't sure if they'd still be able to pick me up at that time. It was my turn at the ticket machine. I found the right ticket for my journey and inserted my card to pay. Declined. I look at the machine in despair and realise that I have no other way of paying for this stupid ticket. Taking my card, I realise that despite my efforts, my attendance at this away day is just not going to happen. Aside from the transport issues, those are irrelevant if I can't even pay for the ticket.

As I walk back home, I am feeling irritable. I am somewhat relieved that I can't go, but am annoyed at all the stress and effort only to find that I can't go because of money (story of my life at the moment) and concerned at how my absence will look. I know my boss will probably be unimpressed, regardless of my explanation, and the management will probably use this as another reason against me if I apply for that internal position. I get home, feeling hot, annoyed and upset. I am all dressed and ready, with nowhere to go. I feel depressed. I am still close to tears and wish I could talk to someone, but feel stupid doing so. Most of all, I wish I could talk to BFTP, but the thought of it and the fact that I can't is making me feel worse. I make myself some tea and text my colleague, Miss T. I then text my boss and await a response, fully expecting her to make me feel worse than I already do. Miss T informs me that she had her interview for the internal position yesterday and didn't get it. I am surprised, but am glad to hear that she is not fazed by it and sees it as good experience. It makes me question whether it is worth applying myself. I know that if I am unsuccessful, I am going to find it even harder to enjoy working there than I already do.

Boss Lady texts back a bland response. It doesn't matter what she says, unless she is overtly friendly or sympathetic, I always get a sense of disappointment or irritation from her. I try to brush it off. There is no point allowing it to make me feel crap, when there is literally nothing I can do. I already feel rubbish about the fact that my funds have depleted so quickly. Never mind getting to the stupid away day, how am I going to eat for the rest of the month?! Lol. I sit on my bed, drinking my tea, watching some TV and decide to write a blog. It's my only outlet at the moment. It looks like lucky ol' me has another day of housework ahead.