Nervous Energy

My medication has given me the shakes like a mofo today. I’m jittery, so much so that I splashed some of my water on the way back from the kitchen while trying to carry too much, feel slightly unsteady and just now took a sip from my mug of tea, which was visibly shaking slightly. I’m full of nervous energy. I hate days like today. The side-effects have definitely lessened (I’m thankfully no longer experiencing a complete lack of appetite and regular nausea like when I started), but every now and then I still get the jitters, occasionally feel like my skin is itchy/irritated all over and very occasionally have little desire to eat.

I remember my boss being disappointed with me for not coming into work one day, not too long after I started on my medication. I was feeling low and really nauseous and couldn’t face being at work. I think she assumed that because I was taking something for it, all my problems would disappear and shouldn’t I just go back to my doctor if I was getting side-effects? I wish it was that simple. All medication has side-effects. But with this medication, I feel that the intermittent side-effects are easier to deal with that the constant condition it is treating. I wish it was as simple as a panacea, but it’s not. I’m still living with the situation, it hasn’t magically disappeared just because I’m taking something for it. Perhaps the drugs have improved my physiological response to my life experiences, but they don’t remove or even improve the experiences themselves. If crap stuff happens, it’s still crap. It’s perhaps just not as dramatically or insurmountably crap as I would think it is, if I wasn’t medicated.

I went for lunch as usual with Mini Me, and we chatted while eating. She asked how I was doing and I explained that I have very little motivation this week. She knows about my depression and my medication and asked if I have been taking it. I assured her I have, but that I think I am going through a momentary low patch. She reminded me that she is there for me if I need her and I felt a little embarrassed, but grateful. She is moving out this weekend and I am really excited for her. At least someone is doing exciting things and living out an abundant lifestyle, the way I wish I had done. :o) Once again, despite all the things I don’t like about my job, just like in my previous job, I have at least made some really nice friendships. I have plans to see my old workmates (Lolly and Head Sister, Head Sister’s bloke, and two other lovely girlies, nicknames TBC) at the end of October (they decided to plan well ahead of time so that we could actually all make it and have enough money). I’m really looking forward to it. We are going to a wine bar (even though don’t drink wine) that serves ‘Fat Bastard Pinot Noir,’ which for the name alone is as good a reason as any to go there, whether you actually drink it or not, lol. Plus, it will lead me nicely into the same weekend I am going to see Maxwell in concert with Miss BG!

I can’t seem to stop writing at the moment. I have too much constantly on my mind. I simply need a place to put it so that I can get on with the other daily tasks, such as, you know, work and generally just functioning normally as a contributive member of society! When is it home time? Like, permanently? What’s that, you say? Retirement’s not for potentially another 40 years?? Lol! *Sigh*