Thinking and Speaking

So, another weekend has come and gone, with me having very little recollection of its presence. Big Sis and I went home much earlier than usual on Saturday, getting home before sunset, which is a rarity, especially considering sunset is currently sometime between 4.00 and 4.30pm. We had decided to get back early because I had to work on the sermon I was meant to be presenting on Sunday, as part of the lay-preaching course we’ve both been attending. Big Sis was going to work on the written assignments (also due on Sunday), having already presented her sermon. I hadn’t even started the written assignments, but let’s not even talk about that just yet, lol.

We got home and Big Sis was trying to be helpful, by keeping me company to try and keep my focus and then sharing things she thought might be relevant to my topic. Despite all of this, my brain felt utterly dead. I collected some verses of Scripture that I wanted to use, but I stared blankly at the screen as I struggled with actually piecing them together with some discernible thread. I wanted to sleep, but knew that I was already running out of time, so couldn’t afford to. Several hours, a few sketchy ideas and an episode of both Harry Hill’s TV Burp and the X Factor later, I was not really any closer to getting a coherent talk together.

Eventually, I went to sleep at about 1am, setting my alarm for 6.30am, with the hope that an hour or two in the morning would be sufficient to tie everything together. I was feeling completely incapable and asked God to forgive my disorganisation and lack of preparation and to help give me the words He wanted me to say. I knew what I had gained from my reading of the various texts and knew vaguely how I wanted to present the topic, but my brain was seemingly functioning with neither speed, nor skill.

6.30am came and went and I could barely open my eyes. Eventually, Big Sis came to knock on my door at about 8.00am to wake me up. She very kindly offered to make me tea. I appreciated her help, but felt completely unable to do what needed to be done. I was very close to not bothering to go in and just resigning to having failed the course. I got my laptop and started piecing together the thoughts I had. I had prayed that God would give me what I needed, but even when praying it was a struggle to string a sentence together. Eventually, things were falling into place and I printed out the texts I was going to use, while I got ready and dressed. I was going to be about 15 minutes or so late, but I knew I wasn’t scheduled to speak until much later in the day, so late was better than a no-show. I thanked Big Sis for her help and nipped to the train station, only to find that the train was running 20 minutes late. OK, I was probably going to be even later than expected. I arrived at the church at about 10.30am (it started at 10.00am) and found myself a seat. Our class was split into two groups and my half of the class was seated in the main sanctuary, which was both more and less daunting than the smaller room the other group had, in equal measure.

The morning went by and I heard some really good messages, lots of food for thought, lots of different topics and styles of speaking, some very confident speakers and some very timid. It was really encouraging that so many people were willing to get involved, despite their varying experience, capabilities and personalities. Luckily, I wasn’t scheduled until after lunch, so I had enough time to sort out my notes, get things in order and scribble down a few things in time for the afternoon.

What left the biggest impression on me was the fact that, particularly in the afternoon, the messages all seemed to have common elements to them. One lady who spoke about two places before me, mentioned the analogy in the Bible of likening the trials and difficult experiences we go through to a refiner's fire, so that in the same way precious metals like gold and silver and refined in a fire to remove any impurities, the fires of life's struggles purify us so that only the most precious and pure parts of us remain. I had referred to the exact same analogy in my message, but we had used completely different texts as a reference point, so there was no duplication. It was really amazing how there were several common threads like this, but each time the next message simply expanded on what had previously been said. No two people used exactly the same viewpoint or example. It was a really encouraging experience.

By the time all of the candidates had spoken and the day was over, it was after 4.00pm. I got the bus to the station and realised I was feeling absolutely shattered. Even though I had been sitting down virtually all day, listening to and concentrating on so many different talks, all while trying to mentally prepare for my own before actually presenting it, was surprisingly tiring. I got home, feeling incredibly tired and rather grumpy, but was relieved that it was over and had gone relatively well. I was glad Big Sis had given me the little push I needed to persevere. I think I would have given up otherwise.