The weekend was a bit of a wash-out. Actually, Saturday was good, but Sunday was sort of pointless. I woke after a night of disrupted, dreamful sleep. For a change, I didn't wake up in a cold sweat like I have done quite often lately, even though the side-effects of my medication seem to be going into overdrive at the moment. I was toasty warm all night, but kept waking up in between several bizarre, vivid dreams (see Nightmares). I eventually woke up before 10.00am, having ignored my 8.45am alarm. I decided to put on some laundry, so went downstairs laden with my first load, which was bed linen. I put on the laundry, then washed up the cutlery (of which there was quite a bit). I also did a few plates and bowls, but stopped short after that due to hunger. Bro-in-Law came to get some cereal and we had a quick chat before I made tea and toast with marmalade and retreated back upstairs. I didn’t end up finishing my breakfast, but should have got started with the huge amount of tidying I had on the cards. Did I? No. I got back in bed because it was freezing, tried to draft a couple of blog posts and watched Takeshi’s Castle. I texted The Mrs to ask if she wanted to chat online. She called me back to say it might be a bit difficult, seeing as she was in the bath. We spoke on the phone instead. Big Sis and Bro-in-Law went out for a walk and to get some groceries, so I stayed in bed, chatting with The Mrs and feeling bad that I hadn’t been able to talk to her the night before as I had planned, especially after finding out that she hadn’t had a very nice day and had needed to talk to me. Luckily, it seemed that everything had calmed down somewhat and she was feeling better. Her Boy came in to speak to her because he was waiting on her to go food shopping.
“Is he anxious to go now?” I asked, wondering if I should get off the phone and leave her to get ready.
“No, he’s all right, he’s eating Pom-Bears and Rusks.”
I started laughing at the childish snacks of choice. “I know he’s younger than you, but not that much younger,” I giggled, amused by the thought of her giving him baby biscuits to keep him quiet.
“Rusks are nice!” he said in the background.
“I know,” I agreed, thinking it was quite a while since I last had some, “it just sounds funny.”
“But I remember them being bigger than this,” he pondered.
The Mrs and I started cracking up. “That’s because you were a lot smaller when you were last eating them!” she said, giggling at him.
“I remember having to eat them with two hands…” he continued, seemingly unable to hear her.
“Yeah, that’s because when you used to eat them, you were a baby!!!” she said, while we both laughed out loud.
We continued giggling for ages afterwards, chatting about things until the Rusks could no longer satisfy his appetite and The Mrs had to go to get ready.
I stayed in bed for a while longer, knowing that I had so much to be getting on with, but feeling completely unable to actually get up and start doing any of it. My body feels constantly heavy at the moment. It was already after lunch and I had only eaten a slice of toast, but didn’t much feel like eating, even though I could tell I probably needed to. I was feeling low, demotivated and a strong desire to hibernate. My PJs, baby blanket and duvet were way too comfortable and the air around me was way too cold to convince me to leave my snuggly dwelling, so I ignored the to-do list and stayed in bed, doing very little of any productive use. Just after 3pm, I got a text from The Mrs. Em, turn on channel 5. The Wizard of Oz is on and there are loads of munchkins like you! X. Thanks for that, missy. I laughed and texted back. Cheek!!! I watched some of the film and then indulged myself with some crap telly in the form of 'Beauty and the Geek'. It was quickly becoming darker outside, even though it had been quite grey and overcast all day.
Big Sis and Bro-in-Law had arrived back with some shopping and a Chinese takeaway, which was wafting its aromas up the stairs and into my room. I went downstairs to make some tea, before retreating back to my hovel, feeling more and more conscious that I really should at least start some of the things I had planned to sort out today. I had another chat to The Mrs, who said I sounded like a stalker when I told her some things I had been thinking about and then said she was worried about me. Eek. I started to feel less like talking and decided I quite fancied a curry for dinner, so we signed off so I could go and order one. Big Sis and Bro-in-Law were still full from their lunch, so I ordered my own and then made the seemingly pointless effort of getting dressed for the one-minute walk to the curry place.
The chicken bhuna and mushroom rice was just what I needed after the lack of other nutritional intake, but the food coma starting creeping in, as my blood sugar level peaked and crashed. I watched some more TV, then as the food energised my body, I actually felt slightly more like doing stuff. I sorted out my recycling – getting rid of magazines, papers, junk mail and so on – into the big orange recycling sack. I put on some more laundry to wash, then carried the step ladder upstairs from the hall cupboard, climbing up to reach the cupboards above my wardrobes and sorting out the boxes of shoes and spare bags that were up there. Looking through the countless pairs of shoes, clothes I no longer wear and numerous bags, I felt like just throwing them all out of the window. I have so much stuff. A cull is very much due. There were loads of things I wanted to sell on eBay, but I never seem to find the time or the motivation to do so. Instead, the ever-increasing pile of items clogs up my living space. I am going to be ruthless this week. I have to be. I dread to think how much of a chore it will be when I eventually move out, so I think I should probably start downsizing my possessions now. It’s hard, coming from a family of hoarders. I always have the thought in the back of my mind that “I might need that, at some point.” By the time (if ever) I actually need such item, I can’t usually remember where it is amongst all the other stuff, or sometimes have forgotten it even exists and end up buying a new one anyway.
I ended my temporary burst of energy, having moved several items from the floor into the cupboards and making things look very marginally tidier. The thing is that there are lots of clothes and such that I was going to get rid of because they no longer fit and are too small. Having lost quite a bit of weight recently, I’ve realised that I fit into some of my smaller clothes again and now all my newer clothes are too big. I have a wardrobe of clothes which are three different sizes! Two pairs of boots which had been too tight for me in the calf, even with bare legs, now fit me comfortably, even with skinny jeans on. There were at least two pairs of other boots that I had worn to death so that the heels had worn down to a point that was probably beyond repair. I had kept them for some reason, but they soon went in a bag of stuff that had to go. I have so many clothes, shoes and accessories, it is criminal. The stupid thing is that in any one season, I end up having a few favourite items that I just wear over and over again. It’s not as if I go out to loads of fancy places or am that bothered about people seeing me wear the same thing often. I don’t actually need half the things I end up buying. So, the cull begins. I am going to try and get rid of at least three bags of stuff this week. Anything that I especially want to sell on eBay has to be listed by the 22nd, or else it also needs to just be given or chucked away. I am going to have to try and go paper-free with as many of my bills as possible, too. The amount of paper that builds up because I need to shred it rather than just put it straight in the recycling, is ridiculous. I have so much at the moment, that I’ll probably need to set aside one evening solely for shredding. Now that’s rock and roll.
My problem has always been that I am good at planning, at ideas, at making lists, at saying I want to do things. Where the problem comes in, is that I am not so good at the actual doing part, at making those plans become a reality, at finding the motivation and the discipline to actually do things. So, my first early resolution for the new year? Less saying, more doing. The action begins tonight!
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