Delaying Gratification

I remember reading a year or so ago about ‘delayed gratification’ in M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Travelled. It is something that I didn’t think was a problem for me, but in reality (like everything, lol) the skills don’t match the perception. If I remember correctly, in the book Dr. Peck gave the example of children, siblings for example, who get the same amount of sweets. Some children will eat a few and then save some to eat later. Others wolf them down virtually as soon as they get them. Some won’t eat any there and then, but will keep them for a special treat at a later time. I remember when I was growing up and both Big Sis and I would get treats at Christmas. Weeks later, she would still have some left, whereas mine had all been greedily consumed. I wasn’t the eat-them-all-in-one-go child, but I would usually eat most of them during the couple of weeks of the Christmas holiday period. I would then have to watch Big Sis still enjoying her sweets and chocolates in January, when mine had all long gone.

The point of this example was that how one reacts in this kind of situation, even as a child, says a lot about our ability to delay gratification when we get older. It is not as trivial as whether we wait until we have finished our dinner in order to allow ourselves dessert. It affects our relationships, our satisfaction in life, our achievements and our attitudes towards work. Some people bounce from unhealthy relationship to unhealthy relationship, because they are not patient enough to build the slow foundation that the longest-lasting relationships often require. Other people don’t fulfil their potential because they want to see the positive results immediately and therefore won’t commit to anything that requires consistent effort over a longer period. Many people remain unhappily overweight or unhealthy, because they choose the instant buzz they get from the unhealthy food they enjoy rather than choosing the long-term and gradually-evident benefits that being healthy requires, through permanent changes in diet and lifestyle.

I can relate to this way of thinking, because I know I am a less disciplined person than I would dearly like to be. I have seen and felt the benefits of being restrained with indulgence (not just with food), of making time for regular exercise, early nights and a balance of healthy foods with regular little treats. I know that choosing to forego regular frivolous spending on pretty things in favour of saving for a big treat like a holiday or something I really need, is way more satisfying. I understand that all the things in life that give us the biggest sense of achievement are those which don’t happen overnight, but are the things that take the most effort on our part. The things you work hardest for are the things you appreciate the most. It’s the same with relationships. Often, in romantic relationships, people take the easier route of looking elsewhere for excitement or just leaving, rather than choosing the difficult task of working through problems and discussing their issues to make the relationship better. Or they do the opposite and stay stuck in an unhealthy relationship, rather than taking the difficult decision to do the right thing of having the courage to say that the relationship has reached its end. It happens in friendships too. We often just write people off because that is an easier and quicker solution than being patient with them, or trying to improve things.

As it is, I am currently displaying the very behaviour I am talking about. I have a to-do list at work as long as my arm, but instead of actually biting the bullet and getting on with completing some of those tasks, I am writing a blog post about how people are often incapable of delaying gratification and put off the hard but necessary things, in favour of doing the things that are perhaps less important but most enjoyable. I am a master of irony. I will probably still be at work at 7.00pm, trying to finish the things I should have been doing now, instead of arriving home at the time I would normally be, when I could have written this blog tucked up cosily in bed. What was the point of this post?? Lol. Oh yeah, I remember. I’ve realised that life is more fulfilling and one’s character more refined, if one can be disciplined enough to put the hard work in before enjoying the rewards. It’s a reflection of our society, that things are disposable. That if we want something, we can have it now, even if we can’t afford it – just stick it on credit! That things (even people and relationships) aren’t worth fixing because it’s quicker, easier and cheaper to just get a new one. That sacrificing even the most trivial pleasures in this life is boring, even if it means an eternity of happiness in the next. No-one said that building character was easy. But we’ve been taught that we can just get the flat-pack version, one which we can assemble almost instantly. It may appear to be sturdy, but it won’t be as solid as a character that has been lovingly formed by careful and skilled hand-crafting over time. Furthermore, just like the antique pieces of solid wood furniture that are deemed valuable enough to be handed down as family heirlooms, a character formed in a similar way is the kind that can be passed down to one’s children, the kind of character that they want to inherit and emulate.

To say that ‘life is a journey’ is a cliché, but it’s a true one. You don’t get to any destination, especially one that is far away, without some effort on your part. The higher you set your sights, the further you have to travel to get there, but the beauty of it is that it is always worth it once you do. NY Guy once told me that without the bitter, the sweet isn’t as sweet. There is a lot of truth in that. Your appreciation for all things good grows exponentially, when you have experienced something bad to compare it to. An achievement that didn’t require work to achieve, isn’t much of an achievement at all. I know I might be experiencing a time in my life that is seemingly pointless, that feels too difficult to get through, that seems to be stagnating and making little movement forward. But I’m trying to remember that “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” [Romans 5:3-5, NIV]. There is purpose in even the most inexplicable circumstances. Even if you are temporarily lying in the gutter, at least you can look up at the stars.

I think I may have found my sermon topic. :o)