The Flip Side

I spoke to my cousin for a bit on IM today. He had called me but I was at work and couldn't talk. Instead, I IM-ed him and he told me that he was having some problems with his girlfriend. They are currently on opposite sides of the world and the distance is getting to both of them, but her current way of dealing with it is to tell him she doesn't want contact for a bit, in the hope that it will make it easier. He is finding it harder and doesn't know what to do. I could really relate to what she was doing, because at times I just wanted to cut off contact with NY Guy, because trying to forget about him temporarily sometimes made the fact that we were so far apart a tiny bit easier. He was telling me that she gets extremely moody and he doesn't always know how to cope with it. It seems as though she has everything he has been looking for in a girlfriend for as long as I can remember. But often, when we find the things we are looking for, we find that there are less desirable attributes that come along with them.

Deuce: She's so moody.
emelectric: Oh no, she sounds like me!
Deuce: Why'd you think I called you?
emelectric: Lol!
Deuce: What did i get myself into?
emelectric: Well, sometimes the things we look for in people come with a flip side.
Deuce: Why can't I just find someone who is normal? Don't I deserve normal?

Why is it that for every attribute a person possesses that appeals, there is the less appealing side of the coin that comes with it? I'm not suggesting that people are essentially Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities with a tendency for irrational fluctuation between the two like Batman's one time nemesis Two Face. However, some personality traits naturally seem to go hand in hand with others.

You might love the fact that a person is big-hearted and sweet-natured. The flip side? They may be overly sensitive or easily offended, or find it hard to stand up to people, so get taken advantage of.

A person's spontaneity and flexibility with plans may appeal to you. The flip side? Disorganised, indecisive, are flaky or unreliable.

You might be attracted to a man's masculinity, his way of straight-talking and being objective. The flip side? In different circumstances it can come across as cold, unsympathetic and lacking in emotion.

A passionate, fiery, exciting personality has a definite appeal, but the flip side? Erratic, moody, quick-tempered.

If we seek a particular characteristic in a partner, must we also accept that their flip side comes as a non-negotiable part of the package? Must the good always be accompanied by the bad? Light with shade? Positive with negative? If someone gets to know me and the fact that I am quite an emotional person, I suppose I need them to understand that while that means I am affectionate, thoughtful and empathetic, it also means that I am easily affected by emotive situations, am inclined to moods, can be sensitive at times and like a lot of emotional attention and affection in return.

I suppose that if I gravitate towards a man who is emotionally strong, even-tempered and secure, I should maybe also have to accept that at times he may seem aloof, or might not be especially sensitive or romantic.

What to do? Is it always a bad thing that we are required to take the rough with the smooth? Why can't there be a happy medium which strikes the perfect balance? I think the problem is that we often look for the perfect balance within one person, whereas perhaps the point is that we find this balance when in a relationship. They say that opposites attract. While I don't know how true this always is, especially in the extreme, I think that often the most successful partnerships are those in which each partner balances out the other. Their individual characteristics and personalities may by no means be the same, but they perfectly complement each other, so that the rough edges of one are smoothed somewhat by the softer nature of the other. The highly-strung type is calmed by the laid-back one. The cynic is inspired by the eternal optimist.

However, differences may make for the wrong kind of dynamite when the differences are ones relating to one's values. If the things you each view as most important in life do not overlap, or you simply see such values in wildly different ways, then you may have something much more problematic than the odd personality clash. I am still wondering quite what balance of attributes I am looking for in a partner. The problem is that quite often, what would seem to be a perfect match on paper, is quite often missing the spark of passion in reality.

No relationship is perfect. Some couples are more volatile than others. Some couples are so alike that they seem to almost merge into one person. Some people are personality polar opposites, but they manage to balance each other out by mastering the art of compromise. I think it's a difficult task to try and anticipate exactly what personality would match with your own the best. Quite often, the people we fall for and the ones we have successful relationships with can take us by surprise. I'm just looking for someone who brings the best out of me so consistently. that my flip side becomes insignificant in comparison.