Forgotten Memory

I'm transported back to the ave
Confused by the loss of years I had
When you sat on the roof to roll a j
And I would watch you smoke my life away
The thanks you gave in speech, but not in heart
How you stopped my words before I could start
The shade I felt I could not wear
The blame I believed was mine to bear
My voice was broken, though I talked much
I hadn't realised I was your crutch
The growing insecurities I gained
Transferred from how you were ashamed
Always shotgun, oh the irony
When all the bullets shot through me
The more I loved the more I died
With no concept of who I was inside
To stretch my arms I needed space
You needed something in my place
And twisted my thoughts back to me
So I resigned to not be free
Until your own cage got too small
I tried to make you ten feet tall
I had stagnated to help you grow
But you had more you had to know
At first it was painful to breathe
Confused like an animal that has been freed
The open air and space to run
To grow and feel without friction
Then I was happy without ties
But some of them remained inside
The lesson not completely learned
I still light up candles and get burned
I love too hard and am too soft
Mislead by being held aloft
The air is much too thin up here
One gets too giddy to see clear
I've fallen down, I'm back some years
Reliving the same old hopes and fears
But now these ties I will undo
And untie the memory of you
I'll write this off as a mistake
We both have insights we can take
I hope you'll love her like you should
And what she needs is understood
I'll carry on with what I know
With time to hope and room to grow