Three's Company

I saw Bigger Sis last night (not to be confused with Big Sis. I think they may object to these titles. However, I suspect they may object to 'Older Sis' and 'Oldest Sis' more. Hmm. Anyway). We met at an Italian restaurant near her place of work. The food is always great. She goes there often with friends and workmates, so the staff know her and let her order off the menu if there is something she particularly likes. It's small and intimate, but not claustrophobic. Plus, considering it's in Central London, the prices are pretty reasonable. I was running a teeny bit late, as usual. Most of my friends know I can be pretty unreliable when it comes to timing. I'm very conscious of it but am still unable to get organised enough to be early. I've since discovered (thanks KM) that there are different views of time and how we relate to it. Apparently I'm a polychron. This was a fantastic revelation, but is really another subject altogether. I'll write a blog about that methinks. Anyway, I digress. Luckily, lateness seems to run in my family, so I knew I could get away with being 10 minutes behind.

When I arrived, I discovered Bigger Sis had one of her work colleagues with her, which I had not expected. We haven't seen each other since Christmas, so were in need of a catch-up. For a split-second I felt a tiny bit surprised/disappointed/awkward/irritated. "Eek! New person! Person I don't know! Person who is probably quite a bit older than me and will probably make me feel young and naive and ignorant!" I'm a fairly flexible person, but I like to be kept in the know. I don't really appreciate having things sprung on me, especially not in this type of situation. Generally I'm relatively friendly and when you get to know me, you'll find that I can be rather loud, (too) talkative and relatively confident, but when I don't know someone I'm actually rather shy, to the point of being awkward at times. I'm rubbish at small talk. I often resort to 'hmm' sounds and making random statements about the weather (oh, how British) when stuck. I also tend to ramble off on tangents, the end point of which often bears little resemblance to its start...

Anyway, once I got over my one-second panic, I went over and said hello and gave Bigger Sis a big hug and shook her friend by the hand (people my age don't always seem to do this - why is that? I'm never sure whether to do it anyway and risk appearing a geek or not do it and risk appearing rude). I soon found that I need not have been worried. Her friend (I'll call him 'D') was very easy to be around, was a little jet-lagged (and thus less likely to notice me being an idiot, or even care) and really, really funny.

Waiter (almost as soon as I sat down): "Are you ready to order?"

Calm down, I've just got here! And if you knew how indecisive I am, you would know that asking me that so quickly is even more silly than asking a normal person.

Me: "Can I have a few more minutes please?" A few. That's probably an underestimate.

D told us a little about his recent holiday to Japan, shared his thoughts on why frequent shopping sprees are not wrong (I did try to explain that in my case they might be a little wrong as I don't actually have any money, but he dismissed this idea) and told us anecdotes about his grandmother and her many siblings, who all had fantastic traditional English names like Flo and Doris and Elsie.

About 5 minutes after the first time, Waiter approaches. Oh crap. I haven't even really looked at the menu. And there are at least 3 things I could happily eat. Do I go for the safe option and get my regular pizza? Shall I try one of their new dishes? Shouldn't I be able to make this kind of choice relatively quickly and without help, like a regular adult? When in doubt, use humour.

Waiter: "Have you made a decision? About anything?"

Me: "Yes. But nothing to do with the food. I've decided what I want to do with my life, but I still don't know what I want to order."

Bigger Sis and her companion laugh at me. The waiter laughs too (thankfully) and says he will come back.

The conversation continued. We talked of families. I listened to the story of his great aunt who fell in love with a GI during World War II, to the disgust of much of her family. When she subsequently eloped with him to the US, her parents stopped speaking to her. Although not all of her family objected to her decision so strongly, she remained somewhat estranged from them for the rest of her life. D then relayed, to our amazement, that he recently found out another great aunt, one of her sisters, had been visiting her black-sheep sister in California every other year for the past 40 years without telling anyone. No-one had ever known until now, when in her old age she had randomly confessed to one of her few remaining siblings.

We laughed as he described the different attitudes between the generations, like the way his grandmother's family referred to one of their gay male siblings as 'musical'. He pondered the reason why every big family gathering began with a strange 30-minute stand-off where everyone sat in awkward silence until someone eventually directed a random, blunt comment at their sibling such as, "I don't like your hair", apprently breaking the ice and allowing the friendly banter to begin. It was fascinating, listening to all these stories straight out of another era.

On another topic, for Bigger Sis, hayfever season has started with a vengeance. All evening her eyes were streaming and she took frequent intervals to blow her nose and wipe her eyes, vowing she would be breaking out the drugs as soon as she got home. We talked about allergies and how they can sometimes develop, seemingly randomly, when you get older. Bigger Sis is also allergic to cats, despite having them as pets when she as younger. I've recently discovered, to my dismay, that I may also be slightly allergic to cats. This is a sad revelation for me, considering I love cats and had a cat for maybe 13 years when we were growing up (me and Big Sis, not Bigger Sis). I've only noticed it when visiting my best friend, who has two cats and a crazy dog that thinks she's a cat (ok, I know that one doesn't count). I mentioned this development.

Bigger Sis: "And how is your cat, by the way?"

Me: "Um...fine. [Pause] She's dead."

Cue raucous laughter from D.

After dinner and dessert we somehow got on to toilet habits and how our Dad seems to think it appropriate to share these with us. Apparently, this isn't limited to Dads; it's a generational thing. D told of the time he was on a delayed Eurostar train back to London from Paris. While stuck in the tunnel, he struck up conversation with an old American couple sitting nearby. "She was delightful, absolutely delightful", he enthused, "but then suddenly she asked if I was eating enough fruit to keep regular and the whole conversation was ruined. Too much information! I don't even know you, I was just being polite, the train was delayed!"

After D left to catch up on his sleep and get back on London time, Bigger Sis and I stayed another 3 hours, relating our improved work situations (mine - a new job, hers - huge changes in her current job, mainly the recruitment of 2 new staff to lighten her and D's workloads); upcoming holiday plans (visiting friends and sightseeing in Washington, New York and possibly Philadelphia in the Autumn, she invited me to come along); general life updates (her upcoming remortgaging, my relationship, friends' new situations, family stuff). She seemed excited and happy about the upcoming changes at work and was interested to hear about my news, offering fantastic, objective advice as she always does. In response to her thoughts I made my 'contemplative' facial expression, to which she commented that I looked like Big Sis. We laughed at the similarities between the three of us and our parents (shared and otherwise). I got a glimpse of how things were for Dad when her mother died and how relieved she was when he met our Mum. We marvelled at how alike Dad is to his youngest brother, despite their 15-year age difference meaning their childhoods barely overlapped. We pondered the complexities of sibling relationships. After a last cup of tea (for me) and a complimentary glass of wine (for her, from the manager), we paid and left. We walked to the bus stop together, me realising I was relegated to the Night bus as the last train had been and gone. Bigger Sis waited with me until my bus came, in true Bigger Sis style.

After big hugs, vows to see each other again soon and her seeing me safely on to my bus, Bigger Sis and I parted company. Feeling like a tourist on the way home as the bus passed the bright lights of Piccadilly Circus, the lions of Trafalgar Square, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament before crossing the Thames, I arrived home at 1am. It was only a quiet dinner, a casual meeting, on a school night too. But when the company is this good, there's no better way to spend an evening.