Shoulda Kept My Mouth Shut

We decided to have 'home church' today. All was going well until my Mum did something that irritated me a little. In my minor annoyance and major haste, I made my irritation clear, with what was undoubtedly a disdainful facial expression. In case the facial expression wasn't clear enough, I added a few words to clarify it. I don't think I was especially rude, but my reaction may well have been a little stronger than I intended. My irritation was fleeting. But the fall-out? Enduring. Mum didn't really react, but then left the room unexpectedly a little later. After more time had passed than it would have taken for a quick loo break, or to go and get something from another room, it was clear she wasn't coming back. Oops. The damage had been done. In my haste, I had hurt her feelings and from that there is no swift return.

My Mum is a tough cookie. She can be incredibly thick-skinned at times. She has endured more than her fair share of hardship and has succeeded in less than favourable conditions. She has learnt to deflect criticism and ignore bitchiness, and has taught me the importance of keeping a dignified silence at certain times. She has many qualities that I so admire, and for better or worse, has been a force of nature in my life. From her I learnt to be opinionated and have strong values, to speak up when I don't agree with something. She is never one to sugar-coat a bitter pill much, or to flatter unnecessarily. I learnt the art of perfectionism through her (mostly) constructive criticism. But the wrong word from someone she loves, even if said in jest? It cuts deep.

After she disappeared, I went to find her in her room. Wary of what the reaction might be, hovered around in uncertainty, feeling like a kid again. I tried to casually ask if she was going to come back downstairs and received the silent treatment. After going back to try again, I was eventually able to give her a hug and utter one word: "Sorry." However, all was not forgotten. Mum didn't really speak to me, much less look in my direction for the rest of the day so far. She can be a fiery lady and when she is angry, you know it. I can't count the number of lectures I have received over the course of growing up, and to be honest, I'm pretty sure I would not be considered too old for a smack if things got really bad (lol! But seriously...). But the silent treatment is oh-so-much worse. That's when you know things are really bad. Now it's a waiting game for forgiveness. Some people say that words are just words. The trouble is, once you have uttered them, you can't get them back. Now if only I could press rewind and just keep my mouth shut...