Both Sides of the Coin...

Reasons to just give up and die:

• I’m in the process of being evicted from the home I’ve lived in for all but 3 years of my life.  There is a very slim possibility that we will be allowed to stay.  Otherwise, I have 3 weeks to pack up and leave.
• If we are evicted, I will have to move in with my parents, which will be stressful, restrictive and slightly demoralising at my age.
• My Dad has bladder cancer.  He had radiotherapy in March, but it has still spread to his lungs and his liver and possibly elsewhere.  He has decided to not have chemotherapy and to ‘let nature take its course’.  He is nearly 87.
• I’ve been battling depression for most of the past 5 years.  I have been signed off sick from work for the past 6 weeks or so and for another 2 more from today.  
• My boyfriend of 2 and a half years and I broke up last month.  It was sort of a mutual decision in that we want different things at the moment, and we are still friends, but losing the person who gave me the most support both emotionally and financially over the past 2 years has been so difficult.
• I would really like to be in a stable relationship in which marriage would be the next step in the not-so-distant future.  I’d love to start a family within the next 5 years and being single now feels like falling back down a mountain that will take so long to climb back up
• I find my job non-stimulating, unfulfilling and frustrating.  I feel lost and don’t know what to do career-wise that will pay the bills but still stimulate and challenge me, allow me to feel like I am doing something worthwhile and not be resentful of because I spend more time there than with the people I love. 

Reasons to be cheerful:

• The possibility of having to move out means that I will be forced to have a cull of my belongings.  Seeing as I have hoarding tendencies, this will be good for me.
• The possibility of having to live with my parents means that I will be around my Dad a lot and will also be able to help my Mum with looking after him, which will give her some assistance and the occasional much-needed break.
• I will have more motivation to make a proper effort to save up and get a place of my own.
• Being off work for a prolonged period for the second time this year has made me realise just how much I need a change in my work life.  I’ve desperately wanted a career change and have been toying with going into either teaching or nursing (among other things) for the past few years.  This week, I finally started my application to enrol on a Children’s Nursing degree next Autumn.
• Being single means that I can make snap decisions about my life and not have to worry about how they will affect a significant other.
• Having so many things in my life fall to pieces has meant that I’ve had to reassess things and make the decision to implement changes that have been needed for way too long.  Making the necessary changes to change my life for the better will hopefully ease my depression and give me positive things to work towards and hold onto.
• Because my life is currently so full of negatives, I’ve realised how important my faith is and how much I need (and want) to develop my spiritual life and relationship with God.  I’ve neglected that side of my life for too long.

Life has been pretty awful lately, but bizarrely, I’ve felt freer than I have in a long time.  I can’t change the things that have happened, but I can decide how I deal with them.  And I am going to fight for my life like I never have before.