Typecasting

Today I was told by my friend that my presence is very calming. To me, that was quite an interesting thing to hear. On the one hand, I was a little surprised. On the other hand, I was a little pleased. Surprised, because during the said time, my mind didn't always feel especially settled or calm. Pleased, because this obviously didn't show. Maybe I have managed the art of floating along gracefully like the swan, whose feet, hidden beneath the water's surface, are paddling furiously against the current.

It's odd how people tend to fall into roles. These past few days, my friend was having a turbulent time emotionally, so perhaps I subconsciously responded in a calming way. I can be quite talkative and out-going at times, but amongst other boisterous people I won't always fight for attention. I can retreat into my shell and keep my thoughts to myself quite easily, but when in a situation with a very shy or particularly quiet person, I will make conversation and try to draw them out a little if I can. Maybe we all play roles depending on our situation and the people around us. Or maybe, it's only those people who are used to playing mediator or diplomat, that do this?

The Mrs. and I each have someone that plays or played a dominant role in our respective lives. We might be well aware of ourselves and who we are, but when around those people, we seem to revert to the passive roles that we always played when around them. It seems that the dynamics are set in those relationships. Even if we have changed, even if those people have changed, even if the expectations or the nature of those relationships have changed, it's still hard not to just slip back into the old habits of behaviour. We are still playing a role that is not necessarily who we are, or is just an extreme version of a part of who we are. We are being the person that we think we are expected to be. The person that we think we have to be. The person we become in order to cope. The person we were made to think we were. I don't think you need to know or understand the fine details of those relationships to know that this behaviour and those relationships aren't especially healthy, or even honest for that matter. Maybe it is a coping mechanism, or an avoidance of conflict; it is damage limitation of one kind or another.

At times, the Mrs. and I have both had to play the mediator in our own families. We have often been the one who tries to get one person to see things from the other person's point of view, or has acted as go-between to try and resolve a situation. Or sometimes the person who just keeps quiet, while the arguments happen around them. She has had to do this at a much greater level and much more frequently than I have, but I know how it feels. It can be quite draining at times, tiring, frustrating, awkward and sometimes annoying. When you play this role, it becomes expected of you. You are then forever relied upon to be the 'calm' one, or the 'reliable' or 'sensible' one. You may not be given the same freedom for error as someone from whom such errors are expected. This is the problem with playing the same role time and time again. You get typecast.

I reckon we should audition for a new part this year. In fact, I am not even going to audition. It will be my own piece, one where I get to be the protagonist and not the Shakespearean fool, or the nurse, or the character whose limited speech serves only to moves the plot along. I am playing the lead for a change. It may not be what certain people are expecting, but it's good to keep one's audience on their toes.